Know your candidates.From the ridiculous to the manageable!

RIDICULOUS:1
Born Ayobamidele Ayobami Ojutelegan Ajani Momodu on May 16 1960,Bob Dee as he is popular known to his admirers has been a real man about town.
Momodu,a graduate of Yoruba from the Obafemi Awolowo University was a journalist of note during his useful years.
A true pro democracy advocate during the June 12 struggle,Chief Dele has since metamorphosed into a party animal.No party is complete without he or his ever present Ovation magazine an ear shot away.
A man known for exaggerating his intellectual abilities and who in recent years has been overtly aggressive in his determination to be photographed with 'great,' personalities like Tu face,M I and Ekwe,he has even appeared in a couple of music videos and i can almost swear that i have seen him rap in a couple.
Only god knows what leaf he was smoking when he declared his intention to run for president;though ugwu leaf is my personal bet!
He has since resigned from the Labour Party because of the party's refusal to present a presidential candidate.
The party hierarchy obviously thought his ambition was a publicity stunt and chose to humor him but recent actions on Bob Dee's part must have alerted them on his seriousness.Little wonder the party chose to distance itself from such discoubulity(Hon Patrick Obahiagbon,i hail oh!)

My verdict:1)Drop those ridiculous red sunshades you wear.
2)I would rather vote two donkeys and a monkey instead.Nigeria might have lost prestige worldwide but still........................................

Your mind is yours to make,that's why you wear clothes!

I dey laugh oh!

Beyond the Nigerian jokes and anecdotes,beyond the obvious delight we take in portraying ourselves as exceedingly shameless,beyond our poor education and manners lies an even deeper determination to prove to the world that we could be much worse.
When our cattle rearing brothers from Ilorin and beyond led by the indefatigable yet senile Adamu Ciroma chose a certain Turaki Adamawa;a man facing multiple corruption charges in major capitals of the world;a man rumoured to be on the wanted list of the American authorities;as the consensus candidate(the last time i heard consensus in the same sentence with candidate,a certain dark goggled general with a love for soft Indian thighs was in power and a certain Adamu Ciroma was not far behind) for the north,most observers seriously doubted if they had their bowl of tuwo for the morning!
So,our consensus committee members devoid of the brain sharpening properties of tuwo,have decided to add another embarrassing chapter to the political tale of Nigeria.In less insane countries,the former number two to Baba Iyabo would be in prison playing D.G's cup with fellow inmates while Baba Ciroma would,well,in all honesty,be irrelevant.
But let us spare a thought for those old rascals from the lands beyond the Niger.If you had to choose amongst Atiku,IBB,Saraki and Gusau(who be that guy sef?);two thieves,one nobody and another extra-nobody!The matter tie wrapper no be small!
In a land as vast and diverse as Northern Nigeria,the least we would expect would be an individual with integrity.
If integrity is too much too ask for,then dont bore me with the bland facade of Atiku Abubakar,at least make it interesting and offer up Sani Yerima or Sani Kaita!
In the immortal words of Hon.Patrick Obahiagbon:Nigerian politics has gone beyond sactas simplicitas and evolved on the plain of terra incognitia and parliamentary discobulous!
I dey laugh oh!

Bomboclat!

Events at the Apapa port over the last month have cast my mind back to an incident that occurred about 18years ago.
It was a hot,sweltering day at the peak of the Lagos summer(for my mind!),Christmas party 1992,primary school.
There I was,all regally decked out in my suit complete with my rope tie savouring the attention from the horde of dotting females.Something happened,somewhere,sometime,somehow(all these "somes" should have made it obvious to me that whatever occurred was surely non of my behinds business).
Needless to say,I got involved and with all the ladies egging me on,i chose to be the hero and confront the aggressor.Needless to say,once again,the beating i received would be reserved for telling at another time!
Okay,we discovered 13 containers of deadly and nefarious looking arms at the Apapa port and after proper investigation,two things came up;1)ship loaded in Iran,2)arms meant for Gambia or Gaza,depending on who you believe.
All of a sudden,the Nigerian Government is blowing hot,vowing to deal with Iran,threatening fire and its cousin brimstone.Here I am,all by myself,deep in thought,mind cast back to all those years ago,wondering silently,if kasala go burst and Iran go vex,ol' boy me i no dey oh!
Why cant we just pretend we never saw it and escort it to whatever destination its destiny was eventually destined for.I mean,wetin concern Beetle with with power steering!
Our custom officials are celebrating the find like the second coming of Shina Peters.
Would this "achievement" erase all the decades of laxity,corruption and plain thieving going on at our ports?
Like a friend once said"The Nigeria Custom Service has made it a custom to steal"
P.S:Good night and God bless.

Youth for sale!

Every election year brings young people selling themselves,their families and their fathers goats for money.Young men and women carrying placards in support of candidates that they can barely pronounce.
You see them on T.V,listen to them on the radio,something them on the internet(have no idea what the right adjective for that is),they invade your space and stay there!
They come with different acronyms,YEAA(youths earnestly ask for abacha)ABN(association for a better nigeria),various names and appellations which all invariably translate to thief.
You cannot carry the name of a man you cannot vouch for in the privacy of your toilet(believe me,there ain't nothing more private than a man groaning to pass waste) and spread it like he is the second coming!
As it stands,no aspiring presidential candidate has a plan of action.How do you advertise a man who has no product!
So,when next you try to sell me a crook remember this acronym FOFH(f@!k off from here)!

Vote man,not beast!

There's a flood in the affairs of man,if taken at tide leads unto fortune.Say no to gap toothed thieves.The day starts now.

Two abokis and an Ijaw man!

So,I get to choose amongst IBB,GEJ and atiku(my guy,try and get your three lettered initials ready,Nigerians wont vote for you till you have one) for president.Yummy!!!!It's like being told that 'You know what!For lunch today you get to pick from our wide assortment of garri dishes;garri with sugar,garri with salt and uh uh uh..the world famous and tongue gratifying garri and groundnut'.Nigerians are being offered a buffet of things we would rather not eat.
Not one of them represents a new beginning for this country and neither do they bring a blueprint to the table,The two malu men represent all that is bad in the past of Nigeria while my fisherman brother represents the emptiness and lack of zeal in the new Nigeria.
We live in a country where the youth have been denied the eye opening qualities of education;young Yoruba boys have resorted to being bus conductors,the Ibo's have shunned the classroom for the markets while the Hausa's,(i really have to praise them,they seem to have been the busiest of the lot)have all turned to murderers,religious zealots,daylight killers and also okada riders.Education makes a man rational,illiteracy breeds a brute!
If the votes were cast tomorrow,my vote would be for Ebele for the simple reason that in a country where common sense were inherently common,International Bad Boy(IBB) SHOULD BE SPENDING THE LAST TEN YEARS OF A 30 YEAR PRISON SENTENCE and the university owner from adamawa should now be buying provisions(don't forget dettol oh,heard the water in prison ain't that jolly) to join him there.
Anyways,i watched the formal declaration of Uncle Jo on telly the other day and it was damn near hilarious.Watching all the Governors coming out to show their support in their well starched agbadas and their round overfed faces.When Jo came up on the podium to join them,the picture was complete;AliBaba and the 36 thieves.
P.s:A vote for Jonathan is a moral revolution but not a vote for national development!

A rascally first lady,a strike by non workers,health workers with sick salaries!

When we have a first lady that insists on being referred to as 'Dame' that ought to have alerted us to the fact that all is not well somewhere!So,the incident a couple of days ago in Rivers state when the Chief madam of Aso rock apparently/supposedly/allegedly gave the Governor of that state a talking to in public should not come as a surprise to anyone.
After all,did we not elect her as first lady?Is she not the one taking care of Ebele for us?When night falls and the rest of us have retreated into the eternal darkness and heat of our homes thanks to Nepa,many of us on empty stomachs,is she not the one that takes over?'are you not understanding me?' as she often says!
The only true fear i had was her ability to pull it off in something close to good English.We all know that even in the least confrontational of atmospheres Madam Patience oyinbo na die!
If Joe has any real interest in contesting come 2011,stopping his wife from speaking in public henceforth would be a wise decision.Me I no wan make Patience go disgrace me for obodo oyinbo!
These are surely the end times!Nigerians work up on Tuesday or thereabout to the all too common darkness and shrugged it off as the usual effectiveness of nepa.We as a people have come to accept certain things as our lot but for nepa to insult us further and threaten us with a strike,that is just plain see finish!To add salt to our wounds,the federal government released 57billion naira to nepa for salaries.
That should serve as a lesson to medical doctors who have being on strike more than they've worked this year.If you must eat frog,eat a fat one!Decide amongst yourselves today,one year indefinite strike,nothing dey happen!I dey your back!
P.S:Vote in the right leaders!Protect your future.

Democaracy oh,democracy!

Last time i wrote,our president was hausa,our eagles were super and i could have sworn that i was more handsome.A lot has happened in nine months,for one,i could have gotten pregnant and given birth!
People who know me would tell you or tweet you or ping you or do what the hell it is they do these days(people just dont talk face to face anymore ,what ever happened to good old friendly chats)that i'm the least most likely person to give a pigeon's ass about politics,elections and selections.I guess i've just grown tired of being stuck in endless hold ups due to bad roads,tired of voluntarily giving area boys my money so that we dont waste each others time with the robbing process(i'm a busy man you know!),tired of power generation being generated by my generator,tired of our 'honourables' chopping 13 year old girls,tired of the madness!
This blog would attempt to change gears and focus primarily on events leading to the 2011 elections.Major talking points over a week would be analyzed and flipped over.
Saw a documentary on Singapore the other day and i knew this country was dead;I'm no Jesus but accounts tell us that his disciples raised the dead:together,we can wake this lazarus.
P.S:Last time i wrote,i thought being single was cool..............,guess i was not a cool guy at all!