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Monday, September 9, 2013
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Nigerian new-age pastors and the bible they read!
Secondary school was a fun period.We were young,fresh faced and almost every thing was new.
Your first beer,first kiss,your first(and maybe last) smoke.
It was a period of giddy excitement and fun.
The downside though was the fact that you had to read.
I mean,they did call it school for a reason!
For those,who for some reason found themselves in the science classes,the giant sized 'Modern Biology' and 'Ababio';that fear inducing Chemistry textbook;was often the first clue that you might,just might have found yourself in the wrong class and you'd promptly exit through the next available open window.
For those of us more plucky and brave,we waded and battled through it,not because we were necessarily smarter(sure we were................Nigger,ask about me) but because we devised the key to studying...........and hopefully passing.
Damn books had about a thousand pages.Just focus like a dog with a bone on a random 400 pages and hope for the damn best come exam day!
A trip to a new age Nigerian church makes me feel like these pastors have taken a leaf of our book and 'Ababioed' the bible.
The Bible alongside the Qur'an are probably the greatest books ever written.
It takes you on a journey right from creation to stories of faith,tales of adversity,loss,war,great victory,prosperity and finally rounds up with what will conclude this maddening rat race we find ourselves.
So,when a Jerry-curled,Armani suit wearing lad who may or may not have gotten to 'a level of grace' where nubile young girls who aren't family can sit on his lap makes the act of giving or what we fondly refer to as 'Sowing' in this parts,the star of the book,you have to feel a wee bit sorry for folks like Moses,Ruth,Job,Saul(Paul),Jonathan(not Goodluck) who's life stories and journeys are and will continue to be the back bone,moral thread and truly life defining experiences that shapes the true believers.
I can bet that a trip by Moses to any of the many churches in the Oregun,Ikeja axis of Lagos on a Sunday morning must leave him feeling like a 'waka-pass' in a Nigerian movie.
Nobody talks about sin anymore;and we forget so easily that he climbed a treacherously steep mountain(at least that's what the picture in 'My Book of Bible Stories' used) to get the 10 commandments.
What if the dude had fallen and broken his neck?
Nobody talks about hell anymore.
Nobody tells the sister with the mini-skirt not large enough for a proper nose blowing or the brother with the weave that the club is down the road in case they might have missed their way.
As long as they sow!(Master card and Visa accepted here by the way!)
It must all feel like deja-vu to chaps like Moses.
Remember when he came down from the mountains and met the Israelites dancing Azonto to all sorts of golden idols?
The church today is full of all sorts of golden idols and the sad thing is they are made from the trinkets of the poor.
Shepherds are meant to guide and teach you life lessons but when they focus on a tiny fraction of a perfectly good book,like myself and my good friend and now international model,Sheg Aranmolate did back in the days and ignore the rest,don't be surprised if you get caught napping like we did when we were asked at what temperature a metal gets white hot.
We only stopped at red hot!
P.S:I make no pretensions.I'm a sinner.I sinned yesterday.I'll sin today and I'll probably sin tomorrow but i acknowledge that.
Follow @doctorrotcod
Your first beer,first kiss,your first(and maybe last) smoke.
It was a period of giddy excitement and fun.
The downside though was the fact that you had to read.
I mean,they did call it school for a reason!
For those,who for some reason found themselves in the science classes,the giant sized 'Modern Biology' and 'Ababio';that fear inducing Chemistry textbook;was often the first clue that you might,just might have found yourself in the wrong class and you'd promptly exit through the next available open window.
For those of us more plucky and brave,we waded and battled through it,not because we were necessarily smarter(sure we were................Nigger,ask about me) but because we devised the key to studying...........and hopefully passing.
Damn books had about a thousand pages.Just focus like a dog with a bone on a random 400 pages and hope for the damn best come exam day!
A trip to a new age Nigerian church makes me feel like these pastors have taken a leaf of our book and 'Ababioed' the bible.
The Bible alongside the Qur'an are probably the greatest books ever written.
It takes you on a journey right from creation to stories of faith,tales of adversity,loss,war,great victory,prosperity and finally rounds up with what will conclude this maddening rat race we find ourselves.
So,when a Jerry-curled,Armani suit wearing lad who may or may not have gotten to 'a level of grace' where nubile young girls who aren't family can sit on his lap makes the act of giving or what we fondly refer to as 'Sowing' in this parts,the star of the book,you have to feel a wee bit sorry for folks like Moses,Ruth,Job,Saul(Paul),Jonathan(not Goodluck) who's life stories and journeys are and will continue to be the back bone,moral thread and truly life defining experiences that shapes the true believers.
I can bet that a trip by Moses to any of the many churches in the Oregun,Ikeja axis of Lagos on a Sunday morning must leave him feeling like a 'waka-pass' in a Nigerian movie.
Nobody talks about sin anymore;and we forget so easily that he climbed a treacherously steep mountain(at least that's what the picture in 'My Book of Bible Stories' used) to get the 10 commandments.
What if the dude had fallen and broken his neck?
Nobody talks about hell anymore.
Nobody tells the sister with the mini-skirt not large enough for a proper nose blowing or the brother with the weave that the club is down the road in case they might have missed their way.
As long as they sow!(Master card and Visa accepted here by the way!)
It must all feel like deja-vu to chaps like Moses.
Remember when he came down from the mountains and met the Israelites dancing Azonto to all sorts of golden idols?
 | |
| Say whaaaaaaaaatttttttt! |
Shepherds are meant to guide and teach you life lessons but when they focus on a tiny fraction of a perfectly good book,like myself and my good friend and now international model,Sheg Aranmolate did back in the days and ignore the rest,don't be surprised if you get caught napping like we did when we were asked at what temperature a metal gets white hot.
We only stopped at red hot!
P.S:I make no pretensions.I'm a sinner.I sinned yesterday.I'll sin today and I'll probably sin tomorrow but i acknowledge that.
Follow @doctorrotcod
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