Growing up as a young teenage boy, I had simple dreams; I had two idols in this world and I knew more than anything that I wanted to be like them when I was grown.
I had to be like them!
It was either I grew up to be like iconic soccer star, David Beckham, complete with ridiculous hair style and a skinny model girlfriend or like Brooklyn rapper,Jay-Z.
I already had a big nose and lips thick enough to seal a burst NNPC oil pipe ,so, obviously Jay wasn't going to be that hard an act to follow.
Some kids in my clique though,...............brothers be tripping!
Some of them had the weirdest aspirations in life .
Some even grew up wanting to be Emirs.
I'm like 'Wow!Get out of here!'
Riding fancifully dressed horses and wearing turbans so tight one could barely give a nod and a wink in them?
That was waaaaaay outta my dream zone.
Needless to say,I've neither painted European soccer leagues red with goals nor had my ass whooped on an elevator while folks like Sanusi Lamido Sanusi seem to have achieved their lifelong dream of mumbling through a turban while addressing people.
So,on the dreams actualization scale,mine appears to have been relegated to the back row,like all the black people at a T.B Joshua church service.
What's up with that by the way?
Stumbled upon an episode the other day on the telly and I could have sworn I was watching a church service holding in Latvia or some far flung Eastern European country.
Not until I saw four black apparently confessing witches running up from way back in the auditorium did I know that I was infact home.
And when I say way back in the auditorium, I mean waaaaaaaaaaaaay back.
I could barely make out Jim Iyke's long head far back on row 246.
I hear he's a top member now by the way.
Me thinks that with the black folks seated so far back,it would be wise to have a small taxi service for those on the spot deliverances.
Maybe those funny golf carts,what say you Oga Josh!
Anyhoo, it's fair to conclude that I'm neither a soccer nor rap star and the closest I've come to a star is the cold bottle I indulge myself with 3 working nights a week,every alternate Saturday and alternate Sundays at Mama Nkechi's 'Garden of Happiness'.
It's always a place to unwind and let loose.
Although,in the last few weeks we've had to keep one eye on our beers and the other on the road just in case a nutter with a few loose screws and an explosive laden vehicle happened to chance on our drinking hole.
Yesterday though was a hoot and a half!
All we wanted to talk about was the upcoming World Cup in Brazil.
For the next month,the biggest sporting party in the world would be held in its party capital!
For one month,soccer,samba and sand would morph into one incredible orgy of excitement!
The best soccer teams in the world vying for the ultimate crown.
Heavyweights like Brazil,Argentina,Spain and Germany would be there battling for soccer victory in glorious sunshine.
Africa has sent its mandatory quota of five countries and we hope that unlike the black man who for some reason unknown to me always gets eaten first by the shark in horror movies,Africa's reps would respect themselves and at least survive the first round!
Unlike other World Cups though,Brazil promises to offer much more to visitors than just soccer.
It's a country as large and diverse as the boiling pot of 'Noah's Ark' pepper soup I could see from the corner of my eye at the end of Mama Nkechi's restaurant!
Glorious beaches,colourful carnivals and beautiful women.
Little wonder the first thing the Nigerian Football Supporters' Club asked for after securing their visas was 62 million condoms.
62 million!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As my friend Jude said, even if they planned to take a boat to Djibouti, you know that part of the African map that looks like a horn,line up and then sleep with all the women diagonally up to Rabat,Morocco, at the very end of the African map, I doubt if they would finish 62 million rubbers!
If Emeka was there;by the way, Emeka is that annoying guy in every group of friends who seems to stay up all night studying up on ways to suck the life out of every party,Emeka would have bored us to death with facts on how Brazil had transformed itself from a drowning 3rd world slum to an emerging world economic power in about 25years.
We'd probably have shut him up with a flaming bowl of pepper soup but still gone home and wondered where Nigeria got it all wrong.
I for one plan to enjoy every single moment of this tournament.
From boring pluck out your eyes matches involving counties like Honduras to exciting swashbuckling games involving giants like Nigeria, I hope to savour it all.
And if this is your first World Cup either due to age, lack of interest or like my mechanic Rauf who honest to God had no idea of such a competition said 'Oga,we no dey get that one for B.C.O.S for Oshogbo oh'
Just sit down,relax , watch with innocent wonder and don't bother trying to predict the winner.
The same sense of wonder I had when on my first visit to the Garden of Happiness, Mama Nkechi calmly told me she called her pepper soup 'Noah's Ark' because it contained 'all the animals'.
I'm still trying to figure out which animals exactly!
P.S:Super Eagles to win it!
T.B Joshua don seen it!
Follow The Flipside of Life on twitter @doctorrotcod
I had to be like them!
It was either I grew up to be like iconic soccer star, David Beckham, complete with ridiculous hair style and a skinny model girlfriend or like Brooklyn rapper,Jay-Z.
I already had a big nose and lips thick enough to seal a burst NNPC oil pipe ,so, obviously Jay wasn't going to be that hard an act to follow.
Some kids in my clique though,...............brothers be tripping!
Some of them had the weirdest aspirations in life .
Some even grew up wanting to be Emirs.
I'm like 'Wow!Get out of here!'
Riding fancifully dressed horses and wearing turbans so tight one could barely give a nod and a wink in them?
That was waaaaaay outta my dream zone.
Needless to say,I've neither painted European soccer leagues red with goals nor had my ass whooped on an elevator while folks like Sanusi Lamido Sanusi seem to have achieved their lifelong dream of mumbling through a turban while addressing people.
 |
| We can't hear you at the back! |
So,on the dreams actualization scale,mine appears to have been relegated to the back row,like all the black people at a T.B Joshua church service.
What's up with that by the way?
Stumbled upon an episode the other day on the telly and I could have sworn I was watching a church service holding in Latvia or some far flung Eastern European country.
Not until I saw four black apparently confessing witches running up from way back in the auditorium did I know that I was infact home.
And when I say way back in the auditorium, I mean waaaaaaaaaaaaay back.
I could barely make out Jim Iyke's long head far back on row 246.
I hear he's a top member now by the way.
Me thinks that with the black folks seated so far back,it would be wise to have a small taxi service for those on the spot deliverances.
Maybe those funny golf carts,what say you Oga Josh!
Anyhoo, it's fair to conclude that I'm neither a soccer nor rap star and the closest I've come to a star is the cold bottle I indulge myself with 3 working nights a week,every alternate Saturday and alternate Sundays at Mama Nkechi's 'Garden of Happiness'.
It's always a place to unwind and let loose.
Although,in the last few weeks we've had to keep one eye on our beers and the other on the road just in case a nutter with a few loose screws and an explosive laden vehicle happened to chance on our drinking hole.
Yesterday though was a hoot and a half!
All we wanted to talk about was the upcoming World Cup in Brazil.
For the next month,the biggest sporting party in the world would be held in its party capital!
For one month,soccer,samba and sand would morph into one incredible orgy of excitement!
 |
| And we wonder why he can't play no more.................. |
The best soccer teams in the world vying for the ultimate crown.
Heavyweights like Brazil,Argentina,Spain and Germany would be there battling for soccer victory in glorious sunshine.
Africa has sent its mandatory quota of five countries and we hope that unlike the black man who for some reason unknown to me always gets eaten first by the shark in horror movies,Africa's reps would respect themselves and at least survive the first round!
Unlike other World Cups though,Brazil promises to offer much more to visitors than just soccer.
It's a country as large and diverse as the boiling pot of 'Noah's Ark' pepper soup I could see from the corner of my eye at the end of Mama Nkechi's restaurant!
Glorious beaches,colourful carnivals and beautiful women.
Little wonder the first thing the Nigerian Football Supporters' Club asked for after securing their visas was 62 million condoms.
62 million!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 |
| You'd be hard pressed to find a merrier bunch of pervs! |
As my friend Jude said, even if they planned to take a boat to Djibouti, you know that part of the African map that looks like a horn,line up and then sleep with all the women diagonally up to Rabat,Morocco, at the very end of the African map, I doubt if they would finish 62 million rubbers!
If Emeka was there;by the way, Emeka is that annoying guy in every group of friends who seems to stay up all night studying up on ways to suck the life out of every party,Emeka would have bored us to death with facts on how Brazil had transformed itself from a drowning 3rd world slum to an emerging world economic power in about 25years.
We'd probably have shut him up with a flaming bowl of pepper soup but still gone home and wondered where Nigeria got it all wrong.
I for one plan to enjoy every single moment of this tournament.
From boring pluck out your eyes matches involving counties like Honduras to exciting swashbuckling games involving giants like Nigeria, I hope to savour it all.
And if this is your first World Cup either due to age, lack of interest or like my mechanic Rauf who honest to God had no idea of such a competition said 'Oga,we no dey get that one for B.C.O.S for Oshogbo oh'
Just sit down,relax , watch with innocent wonder and don't bother trying to predict the winner.
The same sense of wonder I had when on my first visit to the Garden of Happiness, Mama Nkechi calmly told me she called her pepper soup 'Noah's Ark' because it contained 'all the animals'.
I'm still trying to figure out which animals exactly!
P.S:Super Eagles to win it!
T.B Joshua don seen it!
Follow The Flipside of Life on twitter @doctorrotcod
