Banky capable!

When last I wrote,Goodluck was president and his wife's english was decadent.Apparently,nothing much as changed.Except for 'Honorable' Dimeji'check out my white native'Bankole's change of home address.According to his publicist,the serene environment,not to mention the clear cell phone reception of the Abuja prisons is a must have for every retiring Nigerian politician.
As is our custom on this blog never to comment on issues under adjudication(yeah right),we shall henceforth direct our attention at a certain Mr Dimeta Banky,former Talker of the House of Reps,who was arrested,released and arrested again for thiefing money.
It all goes to show that behind the acquired accents and harvard degree lies a thieving little Nigerian like you and people you know!
Just like the abysmally poor footballers this generation has bestowed on Nigeria,jailed Nigerian politicians are on the verge of raising their own national teamm
A friendly match might just be on the cards!

Thieves amongst we once again

Only mad men (and women) spend endless hours in the sun,waiting patiently(sometimes impatiently,infact,sometimes with knives and guns) to be given a chance to further ruin their collective future.
Once again,come Sat 2nd April,Nigerians and non -Nigerians alike(i fit swear say those aboki wey dey ride okada for Lagos no be Naija) head to the polls,eagerly waiting,licking their lips in anticipation for another four years of candle buying,receiving injections at chemists cos our hospitals are dead,crowding up viewing centres to watch premiership matches on a monday night when you should be bone tired from work;ANOTHER FOUR YEARS OF "NOTHING DEY HAPPEN,WE JUST DEY CHILL"!
When a dirt poor man goes into politics and in 4 years becomes a multi-multi-multiple millionaire and those who voted have lived the type of poverty that makes you envious of church rats.When politicians scream free health care an patients are only given paracetamol for every ailment from HIV to staph(when worm dey waka for your body.....lol)
We've seen the adverts,we've watched the campaigns.We've enjoyed the name calling and the mudslinging.We've laughed at the no-hoppers;Sarah Jubril,Dele Momodu;We've sympathised with those that have already lost;Nuhu Ribadu;We've cast glances at possibles;Buhari,Shekarau.We've congratulated the winner;Mr Goodlu........................
Or have we?
For those that have sold their voters card for Mtn recharge cards,I say,kudos to you,at least you have gained from this democrazy.......
For those who still retain faith in the Nigerian dream,I say,WAKE UP!Na naija you dey,never sleep with both eyes closed.
P.S:Vote for those who have truly pricked your imagination,those who have forged ideas that align with the Nigeria of your dreams.Being a southerner or northerner is never truly enough!

Know your candidates.From the ridiculous to the manageableII

MANAGABLE 1

Even a mongrel would bark like a lion in the presence of the hunter;an apt description of Mallam Ribadu.Born November 21,1960 in Adamawa State,a graduate of the Ahmadu Bello University.

Mallam Nuhu was the head of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission between 2003-2007,a body praised worldwide for fighting corruption widely in Nigeria,albeit against his master’s( the notorious Yoruba general from Ogun state) adversaries.

Award after award has rightly adorned the shelf of this courageous lawyer/ police man/puppet.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in fighting a war with the confidence of a greater power backing you,infact,there still lies no wrong in doing a stronger man’s bidding but the longest pages in history books have always been reserved for men who stood and fought their own wars when it arose.

Oga Ribasky will forever be remembered in the hearts of millions of young Nigerians as "THAT MAN WHO RAN AWAY”.His apologist call it exile;Nelson Mandela went into exile,Nuhu ran away!

In an ideal environment,Mallam Ribadu would get my vote but in a complex den like Naija,I’ll be damned if I wake up one morning to hear that my C-IN-C don kawa in the midst of conflict.

P.S:worse candidates abound!

Know your candidates.From the ridiculous to the manageable!

RIDICULOUS:1
Born Ayobamidele Ayobami Ojutelegan Ajani Momodu on May 16 1960,Bob Dee as he is popular known to his admirers has been a real man about town.
Momodu,a graduate of Yoruba from the Obafemi Awolowo University was a journalist of note during his useful years.
A true pro democracy advocate during the June 12 struggle,Chief Dele has since metamorphosed into a party animal.No party is complete without he or his ever present Ovation magazine an ear shot away.
A man known for exaggerating his intellectual abilities and who in recent years has been overtly aggressive in his determination to be photographed with 'great,' personalities like Tu face,M I and Ekwe,he has even appeared in a couple of music videos and i can almost swear that i have seen him rap in a couple.
Only god knows what leaf he was smoking when he declared his intention to run for president;though ugwu leaf is my personal bet!
He has since resigned from the Labour Party because of the party's refusal to present a presidential candidate.
The party hierarchy obviously thought his ambition was a publicity stunt and chose to humor him but recent actions on Bob Dee's part must have alerted them on his seriousness.Little wonder the party chose to distance itself from such discoubulity(Hon Patrick Obahiagbon,i hail oh!)

My verdict:1)Drop those ridiculous red sunshades you wear.
2)I would rather vote two donkeys and a monkey instead.Nigeria might have lost prestige worldwide but still........................................

Your mind is yours to make,that's why you wear clothes!

I dey laugh oh!

Beyond the Nigerian jokes and anecdotes,beyond the obvious delight we take in portraying ourselves as exceedingly shameless,beyond our poor education and manners lies an even deeper determination to prove to the world that we could be much worse.
When our cattle rearing brothers from Ilorin and beyond led by the indefatigable yet senile Adamu Ciroma chose a certain Turaki Adamawa;a man facing multiple corruption charges in major capitals of the world;a man rumoured to be on the wanted list of the American authorities;as the consensus candidate(the last time i heard consensus in the same sentence with candidate,a certain dark goggled general with a love for soft Indian thighs was in power and a certain Adamu Ciroma was not far behind) for the north,most observers seriously doubted if they had their bowl of tuwo for the morning!
So,our consensus committee members devoid of the brain sharpening properties of tuwo,have decided to add another embarrassing chapter to the political tale of Nigeria.In less insane countries,the former number two to Baba Iyabo would be in prison playing D.G's cup with fellow inmates while Baba Ciroma would,well,in all honesty,be irrelevant.
But let us spare a thought for those old rascals from the lands beyond the Niger.If you had to choose amongst Atiku,IBB,Saraki and Gusau(who be that guy sef?);two thieves,one nobody and another extra-nobody!The matter tie wrapper no be small!
In a land as vast and diverse as Northern Nigeria,the least we would expect would be an individual with integrity.
If integrity is too much too ask for,then dont bore me with the bland facade of Atiku Abubakar,at least make it interesting and offer up Sani Yerima or Sani Kaita!
In the immortal words of Hon.Patrick Obahiagbon:Nigerian politics has gone beyond sactas simplicitas and evolved on the plain of terra incognitia and parliamentary discobulous!
I dey laugh oh!

Bomboclat!

Events at the Apapa port over the last month have cast my mind back to an incident that occurred about 18years ago.
It was a hot,sweltering day at the peak of the Lagos summer(for my mind!),Christmas party 1992,primary school.
There I was,all regally decked out in my suit complete with my rope tie savouring the attention from the horde of dotting females.Something happened,somewhere,sometime,somehow(all these "somes" should have made it obvious to me that whatever occurred was surely non of my behinds business).
Needless to say,I got involved and with all the ladies egging me on,i chose to be the hero and confront the aggressor.Needless to say,once again,the beating i received would be reserved for telling at another time!
Okay,we discovered 13 containers of deadly and nefarious looking arms at the Apapa port and after proper investigation,two things came up;1)ship loaded in Iran,2)arms meant for Gambia or Gaza,depending on who you believe.
All of a sudden,the Nigerian Government is blowing hot,vowing to deal with Iran,threatening fire and its cousin brimstone.Here I am,all by myself,deep in thought,mind cast back to all those years ago,wondering silently,if kasala go burst and Iran go vex,ol' boy me i no dey oh!
Why cant we just pretend we never saw it and escort it to whatever destination its destiny was eventually destined for.I mean,wetin concern Beetle with with power steering!
Our custom officials are celebrating the find like the second coming of Shina Peters.
Would this "achievement" erase all the decades of laxity,corruption and plain thieving going on at our ports?
Like a friend once said"The Nigeria Custom Service has made it a custom to steal"
P.S:Good night and God bless.

Youth for sale!

Every election year brings young people selling themselves,their families and their fathers goats for money.Young men and women carrying placards in support of candidates that they can barely pronounce.
You see them on T.V,listen to them on the radio,something them on the internet(have no idea what the right adjective for that is),they invade your space and stay there!
They come with different acronyms,YEAA(youths earnestly ask for abacha)ABN(association for a better nigeria),various names and appellations which all invariably translate to thief.
You cannot carry the name of a man you cannot vouch for in the privacy of your toilet(believe me,there ain't nothing more private than a man groaning to pass waste) and spread it like he is the second coming!
As it stands,no aspiring presidential candidate has a plan of action.How do you advertise a man who has no product!
So,when next you try to sell me a crook remember this acronym FOFH(f@!k off from here)!