It's been a while I tell you!
A real long time.
Maybe not as long as we have had to wait for Knaan to release another hit song since 'Waving flag' but long enough!
Don't you dare laugh Skuki,don't you dare!
A lot of water has passed under the proverbial bridge and if you're one of those who prefer animal idioms,like my cousins Ram-sey and Lion-el(oh!!!!!I see!),a lot of goats have indeed escaped from the pen since I last wrote.
Talking about goats,my pet goat,Ukambo,just delivered the most amazingly adorable kids you're ever likely to see across the length and breadth of this beautiful country of ours.
Excluding Borno,Yobe and Adamawa of course!
I doubt if anyone would willingly risk life and limb by going to those states just to prove they can find better looking baby goats than mine.
Anyway,all sorts have have happened in the past month or so and like a Mr Biggs pizza,none of them good.
First,we woke up to the Nigerian Immigration Service trying to make more money off already raving poor young Nigerians in the name of a recruitment drive.
I happened to drive by the stadium on said morning and for the life of me thought there was either a soccer game on or rapture had taken place and for some strange reason the National Stadium Lagos was the...................erm.......erm..... transit station or something.
And like it wasn't bad enough to fleece them,they had to kill a couple probably just for laughs.
It was like back in the day when you weren't satisfied till you heard that slurping sound at the end of a Ribena pack!
The NIS guzzled those poor young Nigerians to their deaths with poor planning and then offered their family members paltry jobs at the end.
Like somewhere in the minister's village jobs could somehow replace life.
Even the once famous Okija priest at the height of his powers would have found that hard to do!
Sad.
Very sad indeed!
Maybe not as sad or maybe just as sad as what family members of the victims of the crashed/hijacked/missing/used for ritual sacrifice Malaysian Airline MH370 plane must be going through right now.
It sort of opens your eyes to how vast the Earth really is.
And how small and insignificant man is against the sheer force and will of nature and fate.
By the way,that's exactly what I told the first girl I ever laid my 'A' game on.
Needless to say,I've never tried that 'nature' pick-up line since.
Not much of a winner I tell you.
Not much of a winner!
Anyway,various countries and superpowers have tripped over themselves trying to help with the search.
All sorts of fancy search planes,ships and futuristic gizmo have been unleashed.
Even China,with all it's obviously 'Made in China' equipment have indeed been on the forefront of the search,squinty eyes and all!
Picking up pings and locating plane debris where none existed.
China reminds me of that kid back in Uni whose Dad had just stuck his knife in the National cake.
From fellowship to beer parlour to club,everybody must know say levels don change.
But as my father would say,it's all in the effort!
And for that,Chinaman,we salute you.
We now know though,that whichever way the saga of the missing plane ends,we only hope and pray that the families get closure.
And maybe more importantly,Nollywood does not make a movie out of it!
And that my friends is the truth.
What is a lie though,a raging lie if I might add,is the current attempt to bamboozle Nigerians with talk of increased 'GDP' and how we apparently are now the largest economy in Africa and trying to equate this mathematical magic with an improved standard of living for the average Nigerian.
The day I go to the club and pop champagne with a wallet full of 'GDP' without 'Tiger',that's 'Mr Tiger' to you by the way,not make me do the frog jump across the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge with a dozen Moet on my head,that would be the day ,my friends,that would be the day.
And I'm sure that my gate man Haruna and his seven children have far less important needs like food,clean water,decent education keeping them up at night than mine.
GDP does not put food on the table.
In other climes it might.
But Nigeria,Africa's giant is not other climes,so it doesn't.
Nigerians do not know the effect of an ever increasing Gross Domestic Product on their lives and trying to sell that would be a lie.
Gross Domestic Poverty,that we know.
And just like King Solomon 'knew' all the fine chicks in Israel back in the day,that we know very well!!
P.S:Shout out to Tiger.You never made me frog jump now did you.But you did threaten!You sure did threaten!
Follow the flipside of life on twitter @doctorrotcod and holla for all your creative writing and copy writing needs.
A real long time.
Maybe not as long as we have had to wait for Knaan to release another hit song since 'Waving flag' but long enough!
Don't you dare laugh Skuki,don't you dare!
 |
| I'm not one to hate on young men hustling.So,I'm just gonna put this picture here and see if you folks remember them. |
A lot of water has passed under the proverbial bridge and if you're one of those who prefer animal idioms,like my cousins Ram-sey and Lion-el(oh!!!!!I see!),a lot of goats have indeed escaped from the pen since I last wrote.
Talking about goats,my pet goat,Ukambo,just delivered the most amazingly adorable kids you're ever likely to see across the length and breadth of this beautiful country of ours.
Excluding Borno,Yobe and Adamawa of course!
I doubt if anyone would willingly risk life and limb by going to those states just to prove they can find better looking baby goats than mine.
Anyway,all sorts have have happened in the past month or so and like a Mr Biggs pizza,none of them good.
First,we woke up to the Nigerian Immigration Service trying to make more money off already raving poor young Nigerians in the name of a recruitment drive.
I happened to drive by the stadium on said morning and for the life of me thought there was either a soccer game on or rapture had taken place and for some strange reason the National Stadium Lagos was the...................erm.......erm..... transit station or something.
 |
| Changed my mind.Too many black men.Cannot be rapture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
And like it wasn't bad enough to fleece them,they had to kill a couple probably just for laughs.
It was like back in the day when you weren't satisfied till you heard that slurping sound at the end of a Ribena pack!
The NIS guzzled those poor young Nigerians to their deaths with poor planning and then offered their family members paltry jobs at the end.
Like somewhere in the minister's village jobs could somehow replace life.
Even the once famous Okija priest at the height of his powers would have found that hard to do!
Sad.
Very sad indeed!
Maybe not as sad or maybe just as sad as what family members of the victims of the crashed/hijacked/missing/used for ritual sacrifice Malaysian Airline MH370 plane must be going through right now.
It sort of opens your eyes to how vast the Earth really is.
And how small and insignificant man is against the sheer force and will of nature and fate.
By the way,that's exactly what I told the first girl I ever laid my 'A' game on.
Needless to say,I've never tried that 'nature' pick-up line since.
Not much of a winner I tell you.
Not much of a winner!
Anyway,various countries and superpowers have tripped over themselves trying to help with the search.
All sorts of fancy search planes,ships and futuristic gizmo have been unleashed.
Even China,with all it's obviously 'Made in China' equipment have indeed been on the forefront of the search,squinty eyes and all!
Picking up pings and locating plane debris where none existed.
China reminds me of that kid back in Uni whose Dad had just stuck his knife in the National cake.
From fellowship to beer parlour to club,everybody must know say levels don change.
But as my father would say,it's all in the effort!
And for that,Chinaman,we salute you.
We now know though,that whichever way the saga of the missing plane ends,we only hope and pray that the families get closure.
And maybe more importantly,Nollywood does not make a movie out of it!
And that my friends is the truth.
 |
| Oga Chico Ejiro,who am I to say you should not eat!!!!!!! |
What is a lie though,a raging lie if I might add,is the current attempt to bamboozle Nigerians with talk of increased 'GDP' and how we apparently are now the largest economy in Africa and trying to equate this mathematical magic with an improved standard of living for the average Nigerian.
The day I go to the club and pop champagne with a wallet full of 'GDP' without 'Tiger',that's 'Mr Tiger' to you by the way,not make me do the frog jump across the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge with a dozen Moet on my head,that would be the day ,my friends,that would be the day.
And I'm sure that my gate man Haruna and his seven children have far less important needs like food,clean water,decent education keeping them up at night than mine.
GDP does not put food on the table.
In other climes it might.
But Nigeria,Africa's giant is not other climes,so it doesn't.
Nigerians do not know the effect of an ever increasing Gross Domestic Product on their lives and trying to sell that would be a lie.
Gross Domestic Poverty,that we know.
And just like King Solomon 'knew' all the fine chicks in Israel back in the day,that we know very well!!
P.S:Shout out to Tiger.You never made me frog jump now did you.But you did threaten!You sure did threaten!
Follow the flipside of life on twitter @doctorrotcod and holla for all your creative writing and copy writing needs.
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