*Note: some understanding of Nigerian Pidgin English and contemporary culture is needed to understand this work of absolute non-art of mine. Thank you*
For some unfortunate reason, I don't seem to know anyone in Nigerian politics.
Apologies to Uncle Ade Alasco, the Chairman of the Sub-committee on Market Affairs in my village ward.
I see you oh but we talking international money here!
As I was saying, for some reason, no close friend of mine or close friend of my father or even my pastor is or close to anyone in power.
Even if the contract to dey fuel Pastor private jet no dey again, I fit dey escort the plane go South Africa once in a while......................................................................
Anyway, beyond watching the exotic lifestyle of these privileged few and their cohorts from a non- participatory distance, a major fantasy of mine has always been trying to guess the songs booming through the speakers of those luxurious BMW's and Mercedes' used as official cars for these official looters.
Putting myself in the shoes of the drivers of these executive men of means, I would want the first song I dish out as we start the day to be one that totally puts him and his pot belly at complete ease.
No politician wants Idris Abdulkarim's 'Nigeria Jaga Jaga" barking at him in his own car!
Tufia! What's that!!!!!!
I'm going to assume, its Nigerian, and going through all the contemporary Nigerian songs in my head over and over, only one song fits the bill.
Just imagine a Godswhile Akpabion (lovely stadium by the way, Oga Goddy), all regally decked in the backseat, cheeks rosy and shiny enough to be seen from the International Space Station, A.C on 20 degrees, (na poor man wey never acclimatise to good life dey use 16 degrees), and the gentle sonorous whispers of 'Everything is nice...........the party's banging..............the time is right............ I see the money coming.....' wafting from the Bose speakers!
It just feels natural!
It just has to be.
It's the tail end of 2014 and it's three months or so to another festival of thieves and looters also known as General Election 2015.
For the last four years, these custodians of our mandate and automatically our collective purse have ensconed themselves in multi-million naira homes and fed fat on multi billion naira diets which I can only assume includes the Shaki and Edo (not to be mistaken with that beautiful state in the deep South of Nigeria by the Owan River) of Alaskan bears because pepper rice, moin-moin and dodo at Mama Rauf a.ka 'Mama Rice-ing to the occasion', barely sets me back 250 bucks!
In the last four years, they've not had reason to go home, bone tired, but still have to pull on and kick their barely gasping ELEPAQ generators at least 17 and half times before it starts.
That half is when, totally soaked in sweat, you barely pull on the machine and it gives this spluttering sound and you pull the 'choke' to the very extreme end and force the poor engine to work!
Nope, they haven't experienced all these in a while.
Instead, they've become accustomed to been addressed to as 'Your Excellency', 'Your Highness' and 'Chairman' for so long, that life before and beyond the present is impossible for them to imagine.
They've had people like Davido, Kcee and Kwam1 wax their praise in songs that they've forgotten that even Goliath had a praise song back in the day.
The common man on the other hand, in our eagerness to rid ourselves of 15 years of striking poverty and insecurity foisted on us by an apparently clueless ruling party, may find ourselves rushing into the arms of the opposition in the name of 'Change'.
May our case not be like the wife who ran from an emotionally cold husband and found herself in the warm embrace of a man who can only consummate love from behind!.
I honestly have no idea where that analogy came from but I'm just gonna move on and assume you get my drift.
Be it PDP, APC, Labour Party or even the one that has a cock as its emblem........erm.........erm........erm
Nna remind me na?
APGA?
Yes, APGA!!!!!!!!!!
Irrespective of party, if you presently have a president or governor who for every pothole he fills or hospital without doctors he builds, puts up a billboard with a picture of himself smiling like a recently satisfied he-goat, then you my friend, are suffering from been led by a leader with an Alaga Ibile Complex.
Just remember that in 2015, to cast your vote for candidate, irrespective of party, with good antecedents in public and indeed private life as a guide.
As Reminisce, the official Alaga Ibile himself wisely put it, ' Inu laomo, oju la ri'. You only see the face not the intention!
P.S; The Flipout corner and it's two followers are still on the twitter machine @doctorrotcod
For some unfortunate reason, I don't seem to know anyone in Nigerian politics.
Apologies to Uncle Ade Alasco, the Chairman of the Sub-committee on Market Affairs in my village ward.
I see you oh but we talking international money here!
As I was saying, for some reason, no close friend of mine or close friend of my father or even my pastor is or close to anyone in power.
Even if the contract to dey fuel Pastor private jet no dey again, I fit dey escort the plane go South Africa once in a while......................................................................
Anyway, beyond watching the exotic lifestyle of these privileged few and their cohorts from a non- participatory distance, a major fantasy of mine has always been trying to guess the songs booming through the speakers of those luxurious BMW's and Mercedes' used as official cars for these official looters.
Putting myself in the shoes of the drivers of these executive men of means, I would want the first song I dish out as we start the day to be one that totally puts him and his pot belly at complete ease.
No politician wants Idris Abdulkarim's 'Nigeria Jaga Jaga" barking at him in his own car!
Tufia! What's that!!!!!!
I'm going to assume, its Nigerian, and going through all the contemporary Nigerian songs in my head over and over, only one song fits the bill.
Just imagine a Godswhile Akpabion (lovely stadium by the way, Oga Goddy), all regally decked in the backseat, cheeks rosy and shiny enough to be seen from the International Space Station, A.C on 20 degrees, (na poor man wey never acclimatise to good life dey use 16 degrees), and the gentle sonorous whispers of 'Everything is nice...........the party's banging..............the time is right............ I see the money coming.....' wafting from the Bose speakers!
It just feels natural!
It just has to be.
It's the tail end of 2014 and it's three months or so to another festival of thieves and looters also known as General Election 2015.
For the last four years, these custodians of our mandate and automatically our collective purse have ensconed themselves in multi-million naira homes and fed fat on multi billion naira diets which I can only assume includes the Shaki and Edo (not to be mistaken with that beautiful state in the deep South of Nigeria by the Owan River) of Alaskan bears because pepper rice, moin-moin and dodo at Mama Rauf a.ka 'Mama Rice-ing to the occasion', barely sets me back 250 bucks!
 |
| Nna, na advise dem dey advise person oh! |
In the last four years, they've not had reason to go home, bone tired, but still have to pull on and kick their barely gasping ELEPAQ generators at least 17 and half times before it starts.
That half is when, totally soaked in sweat, you barely pull on the machine and it gives this spluttering sound and you pull the 'choke' to the very extreme end and force the poor engine to work!
Nope, they haven't experienced all these in a while.
Instead, they've become accustomed to been addressed to as 'Your Excellency', 'Your Highness' and 'Chairman' for so long, that life before and beyond the present is impossible for them to imagine.
They've had people like Davido, Kcee and Kwam1 wax their praise in songs that they've forgotten that even Goliath had a praise song back in the day.
The common man on the other hand, in our eagerness to rid ourselves of 15 years of striking poverty and insecurity foisted on us by an apparently clueless ruling party, may find ourselves rushing into the arms of the opposition in the name of 'Change'.
May our case not be like the wife who ran from an emotionally cold husband and found herself in the warm embrace of a man who can only consummate love from behind!.
I honestly have no idea where that analogy came from but I'm just gonna move on and assume you get my drift.
Be it PDP, APC, Labour Party or even the one that has a cock as its emblem........erm.........erm........erm
Nna remind me na?
APGA?
Yes, APGA!!!!!!!!!!
Irrespective of party, if you presently have a president or governor who for every pothole he fills or hospital without doctors he builds, puts up a billboard with a picture of himself smiling like a recently satisfied he-goat, then you my friend, are suffering from been led by a leader with an Alaga Ibile Complex.
Just remember that in 2015, to cast your vote for candidate, irrespective of party, with good antecedents in public and indeed private life as a guide.
As Reminisce, the official Alaga Ibile himself wisely put it, ' Inu laomo, oju la ri'. You only see the face not the intention!
P.S; The Flipout corner and it's two followers are still on the twitter machine @doctorrotcod
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