Somewhere in Lagos,on a hot,humid evening at a bar down the road,the flipout corner chose to take a break.
This particular watering hole was where the young ones come to cool off after another predictably hard day in the never ending urban rat race.
Here,the major attractions contradict themselves;the drinks are cold and the women are hot!
Eyes tired,ties loosened,high heels replaced with more comfortable flats and Chidinma's 'Emi ni Baller' blaring through the speakers in an attempt to reinvigorate flagging spirits.
Unfortunately,it was the remix and we had to bear the tedium of Wizkid's mumblings for about two minutes but all in all it was turning out to be a good night.
Bang in the centre of the room,a group was gradually becoming the focus of attraction.
The topic was one that,depending on your side of the divide,could get you imprisoned in modern day Nigeria or on the obverse,could get you denied an entry visa at major Western embassies.
There were three main actors.
A twenty-something year old man;suave,complete with his suit and really expensive 'looking' shoes and swinging the keys to his apparently newly bought(with a work place loan I'm sure) Toyota something-something so wildly for all to see that you could feel the wind emanating from the swing at the back of the room!
There were no prices or scholarships offered for guessing he was a Lagos banker.
The second guy had the worn out look of a guy in his mid-thirties,down on his luck and who increasingly wonders if it's too late to swim to Europe and wash dishes like his friend Ikenna did ten years ago.
Ikenna is a Chief in the village now mind you!
Don't ask me how I know,I just do!
All of a sudden we are punctuated by the sonorous voice of Sean Tizzle dishing out his usual dose of 4 or 5 lines in a song but damn does 'Mama Eh' make it sound good.
The third guy?You know what?I really don't know.
The guy could have trekked down from the Mainland for all I care.
Gradually, we all drop our drinks,shift our gazes surreptitiously to where the conversation was emanating from and had our eyes trained on our smart phones with all seriousness like we were chatting with the guy about to find a cure for Cancer.
Lagos Banker : .....................Are you really saying there are no gay people in Nigeria?
Worn out Guy : Exactly! It's not part of our culture.There are no homosexuals in this country.That's what they were called when I was growing up!
Lagos Banker : You don't say! When I was growing up, they were called thieves, now they're just called Politicians.
That's not the point anyway.Being gay is not something you decide, it's not a choice. They don't.........
Worn-Out Guy : Come,come,come!!!!!!! Don't just go there.My friend,don't go there at all.
What do you mean? Have you ever seen a he-goat or a he-dog sleep with another male?
(Turns to 3rd guy) Abi,what do you think?
3rd Guy : Yes,Yes I agree with you.
Lagos Banker : Are we now animals.I thought our highly developed brains took us above that level.
Being gay or as you crudely refer to it,homosexual,is not a disease. It's something you're born with.
Worn-Out Guy : What Medical School did you finish from again sef?
Lagos Banker : I'm not a doctor. I'm a ban....................
Worn-Out Guy : Exactly! So don't give me a lecture on what you don't know.
--------------------------GOAL--------------------------------------------
(There goes Manchester United losing another game)
Worn-Out guy : Let's not copy things we don't understand.Because a couple of you have returned after one year doing a Masters degree at a University in London or America, not bigger than my one-room apartment.........sorry, I mean my three bedroom flat,you think you can bring all sorts of rubbish back here!
Lagos banker : Don't you think you're being discriminatory? Does this not take you back to the time of slavery in the West? Or the period of Apartheid in South Africa? Are you not inferring that gay people are less human than you?
And are you not in the least bit worried about our perception in global politics with this Anti-Gay bill?
(Turning to 3rd Guy) Or what do yo think?
3rd Guy : Hmmm.Hmmm. I agree with you.
Worn-Out Guy :First of all,we should never let perceptions cloud our judgements.
Russia and the United Arab Emirates have stricter Anti-Gay laws and yet Westerners and Nigerian 'activists' still flock to Dubai like a buch of PDP defectors to the APC!
And I see that we're having a history class now?
Does this not take you back to when homosexuality was thought to be a mental illness?
Do you wonder what paedophilia would be considered as in few years?
Lagos Banker : Come on!! Really!!! Really!!!!!!!! Are you comparing this to paedophilia? Really????
Worn-Out Guy : You know what? This story don dey too long. My bible and my Pastor do not support it.
End of story! If the Bible says no,then it's no. In fact,you should ask yourself, "What Would Jesus Do?"
(Turning to 3rd Guy) Or am I wrong?
3rd Guy : Sure,Sure.I agree with you.
(WHOLE BAR TURNING TO 3RD GUY AND SCREAMING IN UNISON) : You know what? Just shut up if you don't have a point to make!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lagos Banker : I'm also a Christian and I don't think any religion supports it but we all do things our religions frown upon.
I mean,there's some good quality porn on your phone,sorry I checked,but I don't remember Jesus leading the disciples to 'The Slick" back in the day.
(History has it that 'The Slick' was the first fully commercialised strip joint in Galilee back in the day. True story. I swear!)
Worn-Out Guy : Erm,Erm....I don't know how that got there.Must have come with the phone!
Anyway, the fact is Pro-Gay activists look down on people who are in support of the bill as been primitive and crude but forget that cultures actually differ.
Western culture spits at polygamy,why should we not spit back?
Lagos Banker : I agree with you on that point and if it were a spitting contest I'd leave it at that but it's a battle between rights and culture and a forthright intellectual appreciation of both sides is neede......................
---------------------------------------------PHONE RINGS-------------------------------------------
Worn-Out Guy picks phone : Hey darling. I'll be home soon. Just working late.
The music in the background?
What music?
Oh................................the music!(giggling)
Funny story......someone came up with the idea at work that since 9ice was so redundant and cheap to hire these days,we could get him to amuse those of us working overtime.
Funny right!
Hello?
Hello?
Poor reception.
Home soon.
(Drops phone)
Gotta run guys.
(Turning to 3rd Guy)
Erm.......Ermmmmmmmm......Would have dropped you off but I'm not really going your way.
3rd Guy : It's okay. I'll just trek back to the Mainland. It's cool this time of the night.
P.S: Follow @doctorrotcod on the twitter machine.
This particular watering hole was where the young ones come to cool off after another predictably hard day in the never ending urban rat race.
Here,the major attractions contradict themselves;the drinks are cold and the women are hot!
Eyes tired,ties loosened,high heels replaced with more comfortable flats and Chidinma's 'Emi ni Baller' blaring through the speakers in an attempt to reinvigorate flagging spirits.
Unfortunately,it was the remix and we had to bear the tedium of Wizkid's mumblings for about two minutes but all in all it was turning out to be a good night.
Bang in the centre of the room,a group was gradually becoming the focus of attraction.
The topic was one that,depending on your side of the divide,could get you imprisoned in modern day Nigeria or on the obverse,could get you denied an entry visa at major Western embassies.
 |
| You 'happy'? If you no 'happy',no entry! |
There were three main actors.
A twenty-something year old man;suave,complete with his suit and really expensive 'looking' shoes and swinging the keys to his apparently newly bought(with a work place loan I'm sure) Toyota something-something so wildly for all to see that you could feel the wind emanating from the swing at the back of the room!
There were no prices or scholarships offered for guessing he was a Lagos banker.
The second guy had the worn out look of a guy in his mid-thirties,down on his luck and who increasingly wonders if it's too late to swim to Europe and wash dishes like his friend Ikenna did ten years ago.
Ikenna is a Chief in the village now mind you!
Don't ask me how I know,I just do!
All of a sudden we are punctuated by the sonorous voice of Sean Tizzle dishing out his usual dose of 4 or 5 lines in a song but damn does 'Mama Eh' make it sound good.
The third guy?You know what?I really don't know.
The guy could have trekked down from the Mainland for all I care.
Gradually, we all drop our drinks,shift our gazes surreptitiously to where the conversation was emanating from and had our eyes trained on our smart phones with all seriousness like we were chatting with the guy about to find a cure for Cancer.
Lagos Banker : .....................Are you really saying there are no gay people in Nigeria?
Worn out Guy : Exactly! It's not part of our culture.There are no homosexuals in this country.That's what they were called when I was growing up!
Lagos Banker : You don't say! When I was growing up, they were called thieves, now they're just called Politicians.
That's not the point anyway.Being gay is not something you decide, it's not a choice. They don't.........
Worn-Out Guy : Come,come,come!!!!!!! Don't just go there.My friend,don't go there at all.
What do you mean? Have you ever seen a he-goat or a he-dog sleep with another male?
(Turns to 3rd guy) Abi,what do you think?
3rd Guy : Yes,Yes I agree with you.
Lagos Banker : Are we now animals.I thought our highly developed brains took us above that level.
Being gay or as you crudely refer to it,homosexual,is not a disease. It's something you're born with.
Worn-Out Guy : What Medical School did you finish from again sef?
Lagos Banker : I'm not a doctor. I'm a ban....................
Worn-Out Guy : Exactly! So don't give me a lecture on what you don't know.
--------------------------GOAL--------------------------------------------
(There goes Manchester United losing another game)
Worn-Out guy : Let's not copy things we don't understand.Because a couple of you have returned after one year doing a Masters degree at a University in London or America, not bigger than my one-room apartment.........sorry, I mean my three bedroom flat,you think you can bring all sorts of rubbish back here!
Lagos banker : Don't you think you're being discriminatory? Does this not take you back to the time of slavery in the West? Or the period of Apartheid in South Africa? Are you not inferring that gay people are less human than you?
And are you not in the least bit worried about our perception in global politics with this Anti-Gay bill?
(Turning to 3rd Guy) Or what do yo think?
3rd Guy : Hmmm.Hmmm. I agree with you.
Worn-Out Guy :First of all,we should never let perceptions cloud our judgements.
Russia and the United Arab Emirates have stricter Anti-Gay laws and yet Westerners and Nigerian 'activists' still flock to Dubai like a buch of PDP defectors to the APC!
And I see that we're having a history class now?
Does this not take you back to when homosexuality was thought to be a mental illness?
Do you wonder what paedophilia would be considered as in few years?
Lagos Banker : Come on!! Really!!! Really!!!!!!!! Are you comparing this to paedophilia? Really????
Worn-Out Guy : You know what? This story don dey too long. My bible and my Pastor do not support it.
End of story! If the Bible says no,then it's no. In fact,you should ask yourself, "What Would Jesus Do?"
(Turning to 3rd Guy) Or am I wrong?
3rd Guy : Sure,Sure.I agree with you.
(WHOLE BAR TURNING TO 3RD GUY AND SCREAMING IN UNISON) : You know what? Just shut up if you don't have a point to make!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lagos Banker : I'm also a Christian and I don't think any religion supports it but we all do things our religions frown upon.
I mean,there's some good quality porn on your phone,sorry I checked,but I don't remember Jesus leading the disciples to 'The Slick" back in the day.
(History has it that 'The Slick' was the first fully commercialised strip joint in Galilee back in the day. True story. I swear!)
Worn-Out Guy : Erm,Erm....I don't know how that got there.Must have come with the phone!
 |
| LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Anyway, the fact is Pro-Gay activists look down on people who are in support of the bill as been primitive and crude but forget that cultures actually differ.
Western culture spits at polygamy,why should we not spit back?
Lagos Banker : I agree with you on that point and if it were a spitting contest I'd leave it at that but it's a battle between rights and culture and a forthright intellectual appreciation of both sides is neede......................
---------------------------------------------PHONE RINGS-------------------------------------------
Worn-Out Guy picks phone : Hey darling. I'll be home soon. Just working late.
The music in the background?
What music?
Oh................................the music!(giggling)
Funny story......someone came up with the idea at work that since 9ice was so redundant and cheap to hire these days,we could get him to amuse those of us working overtime.
Funny right!
Hello?
Hello?
Poor reception.
Home soon.
(Drops phone)
Gotta run guys.
(Turning to 3rd Guy)
Erm.......Ermmmmmmmm......Would have dropped you off but I'm not really going your way.
|
| LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
3rd Guy : It's okay. I'll just trek back to the Mainland. It's cool this time of the night.
P.S: Follow @doctorrotcod on the twitter machine.
1 comment:
D hurry to pass d law is crap;but law it is.the west should just shut up (if our politicians will only behave well) afterall like u said they spit on polygamy which we (meaning I) crave. Akpos!!
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