Death and the stethoscope!

Nobody hears when the little man dies.
Even if it appears in the papers,it's usually stuck somewhere in between a disgusting picture of Cossy Orjiakor's morbid boobs and an irrelevant story about a Nigerian minister's(political or religious) son's private jet.
The little man's death is always treated as an afterthought.
That's why people can non-chalantly bat an eyelid and mutter 'it is well' when 30 people are massacred by a suicide bomber in Jos and shout hysterically from the roof top when a bigman and his dog fall from a helicopter.
A couple days ago,on the streets of Lagos,a young medical doctor's life was cut short by a mad man's bullet.
It's not a story that will catch the attention of those in power.
There will be no pretentious visits from the big men in Abuja.
No crocodile tears shed publicly by our number one man for a truly prominent life lost.
There will be no mention in the papers,at least not on the important pages.
Another little man has died and there will be appropriately little noise made.
The details are sketchy,as they always are in Nigeria,Irawo Adamolekun was shot in traffic around the Anthony Village axis of Lagos.

Unworthy end!

Broad daylight!
The daylight was so broad(if there's anything like that),you could probably see the glitter from Stella Oduah's(minister of aviation,in case ya dont know) jewelry filled neck from a mile a way.

I had this ruby piece before I got into office.I swear!

Shot point blank in the head from a robbery gone wrong.
The killer was then said to have calmy,like he had done nothing more important than take a piss on the sidewalk,crossed to the other side of the road and sped off on a waiting motorcycle.
And there I was thinking motorbikes were banned in Lagos!
Apart from been in the full glare of the Sun,it also happened in full view of hundreds of motorist,including Nigerian rapper Ruggedman;can you just change that name already bro!
One would think with a name like that,you'd come out guns blazing to apprehend the fellow,
Rugged my belly button!!!!!!!!!!
Lagos is a tough city.
Yeah we know!
But to be gunned down in public,on a busy high way?
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
Same fate befell young Dr James Obinyan on the streets of Festac in November 2011.
Shot dead in his car after a robbery attempt.

Life taken from someone so full of it.

Lives are been lost daily in this country.
Wasted.
Terrorists and robbers roam the streets like horny little whores.
Let our case not be like the young chick who wondered why the same master that had been feeding him all this while would now be leading him to slaughter,by asking where the police were when all this killings took place.
Probably peeping from a safe distance like you and I,that's where!!!!!!!!
I read a book once about how all events in the world are inevitably linked.
And it occured to me that the motorbike that served as a get-away for the killers of the young Doc some days back might have gone through a police checkpoint and the rider must have paid some cop somewhere 50naira to continue operating.
50naira(30 cents),the cost of a life in Nigeria!
Anyways,I spoke to the Sun yesterday and he told me he was seeing new things in Nigeria.
And you know what they say about that!

Biko,Bring Back Bike!

First of,stop the silliness!
Most of us take or have taken bikes at a point in our lives.
So,you can get that haughty 'I've never taken an Oh-ka-dar in my life' look off your face.

I'm sure that's you in the middle.

Phew!Nice to deal with that elephant in the room straight away.
Last week marked a watershed in the lives of Lagosians with the banning of commercial motorcycles popularly known as 'Okada' on the city's highways.
It was something the people had canvassed for years.
And so many facts support the ban.
1)The high accident rates with its attendant high death and injury rates.
2)The security challenge associated with the uncontrollable influx of aliens a.k.a Aboki into the city.
It's a free country but the rate at which Lagos has been invaded is nothing short of alarming.
Blast me,but there's an Aboki bike rider for every tree in Lagos.
So,the Lagos state government in it's wisdom and in support of the previous yearnings of millions of Lagosians,introduced wide and far reaching restrictions on  Okada activity.
And boy were the repercussions unexpected!
Bus queues longer than Lady Dame Jonathan's entourage to Germany for her 'period of rest' *wink wink*
People quarrelling and fighting for space on the few available buses.

Queue to nowhere

It was a return to the days of yore.
Even the Israelites crossing the parted Red Sea could not have been more chaotic than the scenes witnessed in Lagos last week(I can just imagine the last guy on the queue crossing the Red Sea.Nigger be pushing everyone in front of him frantically.Poor sod!)
And that was just the first day!
The second day was hell on earth,with probably the worst traffic gridlock the city had ever witnessed.
There's this particular guy with an Honda 'something something' that I always seem to meet on V.I roads.The brother always speeds past me in my jalopy like my car was moving backwards.
Met the guy in traffic on said day and I kept making funny faces at him.
I'm like 'cat got your wheels?'
Mscheeww!
So we're caught between the proverbial Devil and the deep blue Oniru beach.
Does the government keep the restrictions in place and maintain sanity on our roads at the expense of the suffering masses or does it lift the sanctions and keep filling our orthopaedic wards and mortuaries at our hospital.
Does it keep exposing it's citizens to the Aboki bike rider who doesn't seem to fully comprehend the fact that because there's a slight gap between two trailers does not necessarily mean he has to pass through that gap or better still under the trailer!

Once had an Aboki drive me like this from CMS to Yaba.I swear! *straight face*

I'm all in support of the Lagos State government plan but when a government(at all levels) has failed in the provision of cheap,decent and readily available public transportation,this is what you'll get.
My final word is,21st century Lagos does not have a bus system.
21st century Lagos does not have a rail system.
21st century Lagos does not have a ferry system.
But 21st century Lagos has a functional if chaotic Okada system.
And has my father used to say,'A bird in hand is worth two dancing Azonto in the bush'

Noah,The Ark and Lagos!

It was a slow month,that June.
Nothing exciting or remotely pulse-racingly cool happened in Nigeria.
Just your usual church bombings,multiple road accidents,thieving politicians,an hostage here,a kidnapping there.Give or take your usual Nigerian month.
What we did not bargain for though,was the rain.
Fook me,but did it rain like the tears from General Oladipo Diya's eyes when Abacha sentenced him to death back in the day.
By the way,I've been having a cat problem in my house this past weeks,dont know if its my neighbour's cats jumping over the fence to feed on my predictably rich dustbin or if it really did rain cats for once!

Dustbin wey make sense!

As usual,the rains fell and Lagos streets went to shit.Impassable waterways only meant for the Land Rover 2029 model,The Flying Rover.

I'm guessing he couldn't wait till 2029

I've never really understood the rationale behind building roads without making gutters;I've never really understood much of many other things either;but I can safely assume that our leaders must have missed the class on common sense.Why bother when you've achieved the required 75% attendance from making the classes on 'Embezzlement' and 'Acquired Idiocy'.
Admittedly though,the Babatunde 'I wish I was a doctor,that's why I like fooking them up' Fashola administration has made some improvements on that.
Roads are now been built with gutters that lead to no where.
A gutter should lead to other gutters that invariably link to a central canal or a water treatment facility.
In Lagos,the gutters lead right back on the road or on a poor house owner's property!

The poor house owner we spoke about.

I'm guessing the class must have clashed with Asiwaju's birthday.

Some things you miss,some things you dont!

And did Nepa have a blast!
It was like Christmas in June for them.
When I was younger,the lights only go off when the rain threatens to become a storm but these days,once there's a weather forecast with the possibility of rain the day before,Nepa takes the power a day before just to be safe.
And that takes me to the issue of weather forecasting;I honestly doubt if it's an actual science.I'm guessing it lies somewhere in between understanding women and mobile networks in Nigeria;YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!
I believe the news channels just pick the ugliest staff member and stick him/her with the weather detail.
I'll give a couple of Faroukas for anyone to tell me what the hell "slight precipitation with some winds and the possibility of sunshine" means?

Is it gonna rain or is the Sun gonna shine Ma?

Anyways,for those living in the Aguda,Surulere,Mile2,Lekki axis,I say keep your head up,that's if the head is still above water though.One day,we'll get a leader that had nothing better to do and finally attend the class on common sense.

Lagos!

As they entered the city via the Alausa-Magodo axis,you could see their pupils dilate at the well tarred roads of Alausa and wonderful mansions of Magodo and the MKO gardens.It was exactly what they had been told back in the village!

Lagos,the land of dreams.Where money not only grows on trees but the trees walked to your house,shaked their branches and the naira notes just fall on your laps.Where the god of fortune had so blessed people,that he turned them mad!
You can just feel the excitement in the air as they chat animatedly in their Ekenedilichukwu buses and cattle lorries about how they were not in Lagos to count bridges but for the real thing.

You drive by in your car or fly by in a bus driven by a drunk,near mad Ibadan man,shaking your head,knowing fully well that a large chunk of them would end up sleeping under those same bridges they did not come to count!
A city hot and stiffling like no other.
A city of half a million rich and 19 and half million wretched.
A city where if the stress does not kill you,the aboki motorcyclist would most certainly try.
True,the life is good on the Island and certain parts of the mainland.
True!
But they dont call it an Island for nothing,many sink trying to get there!
Lagos is not about the few making millions but the millions trying to make it.

As Nnamdi drops from his luxurious bus at Maza Maza,he knows there is something horribly wrong.Gone are the luxurious flats and well tarred roads.Welcome smelly gutters,crammed Danfos and half naked children rolling tyres.
As he hears the bus conductor shouting fervently"LASU,Iyana-Iba,two lucky yansh",he knows in his heart say he don enter one chance!