So,I get to choose amongst IBB,GEJ and atiku(my guy,try and get your three lettered initials ready,Nigerians wont vote for you till you have one) for president.Yummy!!!!It's like being told that 'You know what!For lunch today you get to pick from our wide assortment of garri dishes;garri with sugar,garri with salt and uh uh uh..the world famous and tongue gratifying garri and groundnut'.Nigerians are being offered a buffet of things we would rather not eat.
Not one of them represents a new beginning for this country and neither do they bring a blueprint to the table,The two malu men represent all that is bad in the past of Nigeria while my fisherman brother represents the emptiness and lack of zeal in the new Nigeria.
We live in a country where the youth have been denied the eye opening qualities of education;young Yoruba boys have resorted to being bus conductors,the Ibo's have shunned the classroom for the markets while the Hausa's,(i really have to praise them,they seem to have been the busiest of the lot)have all turned to murderers,religious zealots,daylight killers and also okada riders.Education makes a man rational,illiteracy breeds a brute!
If the votes were cast tomorrow,my vote would be for Ebele for the simple reason that in a country where common sense were inherently common,International Bad Boy(IBB) SHOULD BE SPENDING THE LAST TEN YEARS OF A 30 YEAR PRISON SENTENCE and the university owner from adamawa should now be buying provisions(don't forget dettol oh,heard the water in prison ain't that jolly) to join him there.
Anyways,i watched the formal declaration of Uncle Jo on telly the other day and it was damn near hilarious.Watching all the Governors coming out to show their support in their well starched agbadas and their round overfed faces.When Jo came up on the podium to join them,the picture was complete;AliBaba and the 36 thieves.
P.s:A vote for Jonathan is a moral revolution but not a vote for national development!
When we have a first lady that insists on being referred to as 'Dame' that ought to have alerted us to the fact that all is not well somewhere!So,the incident a couple of days ago in Rivers state when the Chief madam of Aso rock apparently/supposedly/allegedly gave the Governor of that state a talking to in public should not come as a surprise to anyone.
After all,did we not elect her as first lady?Is she not the one taking care of Ebele for us?When night falls and the rest of us have retreated into the eternal darkness and heat of our homes thanks to Nepa,many of us on empty stomachs,is she not the one that takes over?'are you not understanding me?' as she often says!
The only true fear i had was her ability to pull it off in something close to good English.We all know that even in the least confrontational of atmospheres Madam Patience oyinbo na die! If Joe has any real interest in contesting come 2011,stopping his wife from speaking in public henceforth would be a wise decision.Me I no wan make Patience go disgrace me for obodo oyinbo!These are surely the end times!Nigerians work up on Tuesday or thereabout to the all too common darkness and shrugged it off as the usual effectiveness of nepa.We as a people have come to accept certain things as our lot but for nepa to insult us further and threaten us with a strike,that is just plain see finish!To add salt to our wounds,the federal government released 57billion naira to nepa for salaries.
That should serve as a lesson to medical doctors who have being on strike more than they've worked this year.If you must eat frog,eat a fat one!Decide amongst yourselves today,one year indefinite strike,nothing dey happen!I dey your back!
P.S:Vote in the right leaders!Protect your future.
Last time i wrote,our president was hausa,our eagles were super and i could have sworn that i was more handsome.A lot has happened in nine months,for one,i could have gotten pregnant and given birth!
People who know me would tell you or tweet you or ping you or do what the hell it is they do these days(people just dont talk face to face anymore ,what ever happened to good old friendly chats)
that i'm the least most likely person to give a pigeon's ass about politics,elections and selections.I guess i've just grown tired of being stuck in endless hold ups due to bad roads,tired of voluntarily giving area boys my money so that we dont waste each others time with the robbing process(i'm a busy man you know!),tired of power generation being generated by my generator,tired of our 'honourables' chopping 13 year old girls,tired of the madness!This blog would attempt to change gears and focus primarily on events leading to the 2011 elections.Major talking points over a week would be analyzed and flipped over.Saw a documentary on Singapore the other day and i knew this country was dead;I'm no Jesus but accounts tell us that his disciples raised the dead:together,we can wake this lazarus.P.S:Last time i wrote,i thought being single was cool..............,guess i was not a cool guy at all!
Somewhere in the Niger Delta amidst the staccato(ol boy i dey speak English sha!) of machine gunfire and the booming of warships lay two young men(who we shall refer to as militants from now) taking cover in the bush,Militant 1:Black scorpion,which one be all dis na?dem no tell us say we go fight na.dem say we go just dey thief oil.once in a while we go wear mask,carry gun,dey dance for boat and dem go film us.Nobody talk say we go dey dodge all these aboki soldier bullet.All these soldiers sef!no be their fault sha,na condition cause am,dem no even get manner of approach!Militant 2:Viper,why we dey hide for bush,make we go fight.Militant 1:my friend,sit down there!LOUD EXPLOSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Militants in unison:YE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Militant 1:black scorpion,wait now,no leave me for here.Militant 2:Guy,who be black scorpion?My name na Ejiro.ol'boy me i don kawa,we go dey see for Warri!
Ol'boy,the global meltdown no just dey favour niggas at all.From London to Tokyo,California to Isale-eko,in fact,from Sydney to Effurun junction for Warri,the thing dey melt die.All my guys for cafe dey hear am no be small.In fact one guy tell me say he just send im maga small thing based on say owu don almost kill the guy for yankee!But we for naija know say no be today economy melt down,our own don melt tey tey,the water don almost carry us go.What could have sent the economy a-tumbling?Is it the crazy western lifestyle of buying everything on credit;houses,cars,clothes.sex..............i hear say working girls for that side dey collect credit card these days.Abeg no talk am outside oh!You go tell me who tell you!You cannot sustain the world economy on a culture of credit and deceit for so long,sooner or later the repercussion was bound to be felt.Unfortunately it was not restricted to more affluent climes,the meltdown's dripping wetness was bound to rain on the poor in parts of the world where credit is a foreign word.Remember say for naija na ''no credit today,come tomorrow'' dem take raise us!Gone are the days of economic buoyancy when all we do is go to the tailor's and cut materials for Aso-ebi,the only cuts been done these days are the bad types;wage cut,job cut,budget cut!P.S:this is the time to pick that outstanding talent of yours and develop it cos you never can tell,the melt down could be around the corner at your work place,and i don't wanna see you get wet!
During the week,I had the privilege of travelling alongside Umaru Musa Ya'radua's personal physician,or so i thought.The man confidently told me and all those who cared to listen,that our president was suffering from a rare heart condition,when I and 139,999,998 other uninformed Nigerians were busy coming up with various illnesses like kidney failure,liver failure,spleen failure,infact,all sort of failures.So,you can imagine my shock and bewilderment when the man later told me he was an estate agent based in Akwa Ibom.How Mr estate agent got to know Oga Ya'radua's private medical history remains a mystery to me.It's always a joy to witness we ''common'' Nigerians discuss the happenings on the corridors of power,''Ya'radua then phoned Goodluck to tell him not to award the contract.Ahn Ahn!You mean you did not know!''.The intellectual part of me wants to ask how he was priviledged to listen-in to the president's phone call but the true naija part of me,that part that loves a good story whether it's true or not,urges him on.And mind you,it is that naija part of me that has served me best over the years!P.S:the last population census conducted in Nigeria reports a rise to 170million;140million people and 30million power generating sets!
Nothing jumps my goat more than when someone threatens me over something completely inconsequential.So,you can imagine my complete disgust and disinterest when i read in the papers that NEPA or is it NEP Plc or is it PHCN was going on strike.It was like POLO(the luxury goods store on the Island)sending me a text message about them folding up.How e take concern me?i dey come ya shop before?Of course PHCN did not go on strike,so,thankfully the electricity situation did not get worse.I mean,I've not had light for 6 days and that was before the strike threat.I guess the only way a strike can truly make the situation worse would be if they still dont give us light and they also set our houses on fire and shoot us all dead as we run out!But its not all bad in Nigeria,there's a particular govenor in a particular state.Okay,okay,there's no need to be coy about it,I'm talking bout Lagos.The poor guy has probably performed more miracles in the state than T.B Joshua.What really pumps my tyre about this guy is his all action attitude.No time wasting,no comittees,no long winded speeches,just plain action.Like I always say,if a parent wants to spank a child,there's really no need for explanations and teling him what he has done wrong,JUST WACK THE POOR SOD ON THE HEAD AND LET HIM KNOW WHO'S BOSS!
