Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
That was the loud sound that was about escaping from my throat till I managed to bottle it down due to a combination of resolute will and the fear of the koboko wielding mobile police man at the gate of my neighbourhood bank when I bumped into Shade,my long lost friend from my teenage years a few weeks back.
Yes I was excited to see her(for whatever reason I don't know now) but here's the deal,those who have met me briefly,politely describe me as 'dark' but my friends who have absolutely no reason to be nice or couth(or else we wouldn't be friends,now would we?) describe me as 'black'.
And if you bothered your pretty head to go to Primary School;I don't know why anyone would really cos I hear that one can walk into certain state universities in the South-West and South-East these days with nothing more than an ability to blink twice and hands to present your tuition fees;you definitely would have heard of the nursery rhyme 'Two Little Black Birds'.
I can tell you this,those black birds wherever they may be these days,had nothing on Shade and myself!
So you can imagine my shock when I saw Shade all these years later looking all "fair and yellow' like a freshly painted Keke Napep.
I was like "Oh my God Shade,you've really changed"
"Yes oh!We thank God." She replied in that most Nigerian of phrases.
And I duly obliged her by saying "It is well".
We all have that person in our lives.
Some come to us as complete shocks especially when the passage of time serves as a conduit for that shock but there are some,that colleague at work,the pastor's wife at church or the lady at the grocery shop in your neighbourhood who right before your eyes had had the 'black' rinsed off her face like Kiwi polish from a rain battered shoe.
To put things in perspective, a recent W.H.O study claims that a staggering 77% of Nigerian women use skin whitening products!
That's 8 out 0f 10 sisters at that your church's singles meeting you love attending so much.
For those who don't place much value on such studies,who would blame you?
I remember when a study done some years back rated Nigerians as the 'happiest people in the world'.
The madness of it!
You don't need a study to open your eyes to this crazed rush by our women for 'lighter and more radiant skin'.
It's right in front of you unless you choose to ignore it.
Every self respecting supermarket has a shelf devoted to these products and the crowd of young women and indeed men,giving each other tips and taking notes like eager university freshmen,on the correct use and mixes is to say the least astonishing.
The unfailingly human flaw of desiring what you don't possess has always been the driving force for some of the greatest successes in mankind but also the source of it's deepest follies.
Society also seems to glorify the fairer skinned amongst us.With actors like Ramsey Nouah,Majid Michael,Omotola and to a lesser extent and I mean a much lesser extent,infact why would anyone hire Tontoh Dikeh for anything,traditionally being more sought after than their darker skinned peers.
Even as far back as 1916 in faraway Rwanda,Belgian colonialists favoured the Tutsi tribe over the Hutu because they were taller,had high cheekbones and indeed,fairer skinned.
"Hey.....Hey,Professor Flipout,can you just cut to the chase.You know I hate it when you start trying to sound smart,educative and shit!By the way,don't you like think it's spelt 'Phavoured"?I ain't saying nothing but it's spelt 'Pharoah' for a reason,innit?
Anyways,the exfoliates,toners,serums,cleansers and whatever names we choose to call them these days are here to stay and as long as we do not appreciate the incredible beauty that is in abundance in each and everyone of us never mind the health risks,they,like that housegirl wey Oga don give belle,ain't going nowhere!
(Adedayo Esan is on the Twitter @doctorrotcod)
P.S:Here is a list of things you can hire Tontoh Dike for
1) A clown
2)A..................................I'll have to get back to you on this list.
That was the loud sound that was about escaping from my throat till I managed to bottle it down due to a combination of resolute will and the fear of the koboko wielding mobile police man at the gate of my neighbourhood bank when I bumped into Shade,my long lost friend from my teenage years a few weeks back.
Yes I was excited to see her(for whatever reason I don't know now) but here's the deal,those who have met me briefly,politely describe me as 'dark' but my friends who have absolutely no reason to be nice or couth(or else we wouldn't be friends,now would we?) describe me as 'black'.
And if you bothered your pretty head to go to Primary School;I don't know why anyone would really cos I hear that one can walk into certain state universities in the South-West and South-East these days with nothing more than an ability to blink twice and hands to present your tuition fees;you definitely would have heard of the nursery rhyme 'Two Little Black Birds'.
I can tell you this,those black birds wherever they may be these days,had nothing on Shade and myself!
 |
| Birds of life! |
So you can imagine my shock when I saw Shade all these years later looking all "fair and yellow' like a freshly painted Keke Napep.
I was like "Oh my God Shade,you've really changed"
"Yes oh!We thank God." She replied in that most Nigerian of phrases.
And I duly obliged her by saying "It is well".
We all have that person in our lives.
Some come to us as complete shocks especially when the passage of time serves as a conduit for that shock but there are some,that colleague at work,the pastor's wife at church or the lady at the grocery shop in your neighbourhood who right before your eyes had had the 'black' rinsed off her face like Kiwi polish from a rain battered shoe.
To put things in perspective, a recent W.H.O study claims that a staggering 77% of Nigerian women use skin whitening products!
That's 8 out 0f 10 sisters at that your church's singles meeting you love attending so much.
For those who don't place much value on such studies,who would blame you?
I remember when a study done some years back rated Nigerians as the 'happiest people in the world'.
The madness of it!
 |
| Guess no one asked these jolly folks? |
You don't need a study to open your eyes to this crazed rush by our women for 'lighter and more radiant skin'.
It's right in front of you unless you choose to ignore it.
Every self respecting supermarket has a shelf devoted to these products and the crowd of young women and indeed men,giving each other tips and taking notes like eager university freshmen,on the correct use and mixes is to say the least astonishing.
The unfailingly human flaw of desiring what you don't possess has always been the driving force for some of the greatest successes in mankind but also the source of it's deepest follies.
Society also seems to glorify the fairer skinned amongst us.With actors like Ramsey Nouah,Majid Michael,Omotola and to a lesser extent and I mean a much lesser extent,infact why would anyone hire Tontoh Dikeh for anything,traditionally being more sought after than their darker skinned peers.
Even as far back as 1916 in faraway Rwanda,Belgian colonialists favoured the Tutsi tribe over the Hutu because they were taller,had high cheekbones and indeed,fairer skinned.
"Hey.....Hey,Professor Flipout,can you just cut to the chase.You know I hate it when you start trying to sound smart,educative and shit!By the way,don't you like think it's spelt 'Phavoured"?I ain't saying nothing but it's spelt 'Pharoah' for a reason,innit?
Anyways,the exfoliates,toners,serums,cleansers and whatever names we choose to call them these days are here to stay and as long as we do not appreciate the incredible beauty that is in abundance in each and everyone of us never mind the health risks,they,like that housegirl wey Oga don give belle,ain't going nowhere!
(Adedayo Esan is on the Twitter @doctorrotcod)
P.S:Here is a list of things you can hire Tontoh Dike for
1) A clown
2)A..................................I'll have to get back to you on this list.
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