The Kardashian sighting,the Patience resurrection and the city on water!

It's been an eventful last 10-12 days in Nigeria. So much happening. And the subhuman heat attempting to deep fry our brains in its pot skull hasn't really helped either.
 First was the sighting of an Unidentified Flitting Object somewhere in Lagos.
 Some claim that the reality star Kim Kardashian was in Lagos this past weekend,while my friend Ade,who was actually at the event, swears by all things dear to him  that he can't be too sure.
Ade,who by the way is an unashamedly die-hard fan of Miss Kardashian,had saved up the little left from his salary after  spending a large chunk of it on fueling his generator,to have a close up view of his hero or heroine or whatever!
You should have seen Ade on the day!
All decked out in his cheap ass tuxedo,cologne choking the air like a Rihanna blunt.Looking for all the world like a poor man's Diddy.
Off course,just before the show began,the excitement became unbearable for my man,nature called and he just had to go to the loo.
It was the fastest piss ever taken by man.
Fact!
Half of it was actually done on his trouser,all in the hope of not missing a single minute of the action.

It's a bird...its a plane....or shit,its just Kim Kardashian!

If only the poor sod had known that Kim had no plan to spend a whole minute on stage.
Aahhhhh!
The folly of it all!
Anyways,that has got to go down as the easiest $500,000 ever made.........well.........aside from certain Police Pension Fund bosses.
Somebody test that girl for some Igbo genes!
As for Darey,who am I to criticise a man for spending his money in whatever way he sees fit.
In fact I did a similar thing just the other day.
Flushed down a ten(10) naira note just to see if it would.
That's the thing about we big boys,we just loves to do big thingz.(and at times really stupid,daft,unexplainable and downright foolish things#Darey).
Just as the buzz was settling,news filtered in that our Dear First Lady had just hosted a  lavish thanksgiving service at the State House.
Word had it that she narrowly escaped from the clutches of death at a foreign hospital.
In fact,the actual word being bandied around was a Resurrection!
Did I just hear someone gasp in shock and sheer trepidation for her well being?
Nah......that was just gas settling in my tummy!
The never invited but always present Sahara Reporters claim that about 500 million naira was spent on the Resurrection shebang(thats just a fancy word for a situation or matter.Ain't nobody bang no body)
I doubt if Lazarus' resurrection party nearly cost as much!

Can I just stay in Jesus?I hear post-resurrection parties cost a few these days!

Of course the usual crowd was present;politicians,businessmen,professional ass lickers and psychophants.Anybody who is anybody in this political 'grab yours I grab mine' we call democracy,was there to duly pledge loyalty.
We on the flipoutcorner are glad and relieved that our Dear First Lady is in good and joyous health.
Who are we to begrudge her a little thanksgiving.
As they say,Nigeria's money belongs to all of us!
Finally,the Eko Atlantic City was launched about 5days ago or so.
Dubbed as the next great African City.
The Atlantic Dubai.

I have never really understood these models!Do I get to sue if the trees are not the exact same number in the model#Just asking.

A true testament to what Africans can achieve if we really want to.
But it can also end up as a stark reminder to the great divide between the rich and the poor in Lagos.
As the Lagos government focuses on the completion of this great project,I will ask for them to spare a thought for those of us who still grapple with bad roads,no electricty,poor transportation services,poor hospital and crime in the present Eko Slum City!

Tweeterati!

The flipside of life now on twitter.
follow @doctorrotcod

Jawo Jawo lomo!

I truly did love Goldie's music.
It was different.
Maybe a bit brash.
The style obviously did not sit well with a lot of folks but music was never meant to be appreciated by all.
I write this today not because I am trying to suck out the last possible piece of publicity I can from the death of one so young but because I truly did love Goldie's music.
From 'Dont touch my Body'  to 'You Know it' and the catchy 'Jawo Jawo',I truly did love them all.

She was a musician on the up until the Big Bother Africa show.
First of all,I've met people who have bored myself,my soul and my spirit to death after just having to share space and listen to their brain-numbing thoughts for a few hours,so I've not really come to terms with why people were so hard on her for failing to catch or hold their attention for weeks on end!
The name calling,public humiliation and downright assault on her person was vicious and plain unkind.
The Big brother show was meant to be the lift her career needed but it most probably became the death of it and possibly hers.
When the news broke in the late hours of yesterday,I thought it was the usual celebrity deaths.
God knows TuFace Idibia must have died enough times by now.
So I went to bed expecting an apology from the blogger who broke the news,but instead,I woke up to all sorts of 'RIP GOLDIE' 'WE LOVED YOU GOLDIE',blackberry display pictures changed to that of the same woman we all hated and vilified.
No wonder a friend of mine once said that 'Its best to first bludgeon to death or at least render a Nigerian unconscious first just in case you ever find yourself in a dark corner with a Nigerian and a snake'
At least you expect a snake to bite,you never can tell what to expect from a Nigerian!
A pretentious and vile set of people,If I ever saw one!
I will always remember Goldie Harvey as a musician and a darn fine one at that!
I truly did love her music.

The Nigerian money growers and cash plantations!

Growing up in my family, a popular saying with my father was that 'Money does not grow on trees'.
It was always 'Is that your new bicycle lying in the rain?Do you think money grows on trees?'. 'A Super Nin-ten-who? You think money falls on my head every morning from the orange tree?'.
Apparently, my Dad never worked for the Police Pension Fund!
Cos if he did, he would have been going to work early in his career with a basket and a small water bottle for when he gets parched from harvesting.
Because that's apparently what John Yakubu Yusuf and his merry group of money pluckers have allegedly been doing in the last couple of years.
I don't suppose that any government parastatal has 32billion Naira just lying idle, so I'm going to go with the assumption that they have a cash plantation of sorts.
I can just imagine the Boss  sticking his head out of his office door one morning and telling his secretary 'Joan,would you be a dear and get me a couple of millions from the garden out back'.

That's right Joan!

In all honesty,the news of the Police Pension Fund looters(allegedly) is a bit stale;and that,my friends,is one of the very few reasons why this country is such a great place, people have such a damn short memory span!
A good chunk of us are too busy trying to  figure out where the next meal will come from that we cant bother worrying our pretty and not so pretty heads about folks that pilfer our treasury and about whatever fate, if any, befalls them.
It is that same short memory span that makes former workers on these plantations like Diepriye Alamasiegha,Olabode George,Cecilia Ibru,Erastus Akingbola(allegedly), still walk around as free men and no one really cares.
It amazed me to no end that when the interest in John Yakubu Yusuf (how did this guy get into the Nigerian Civil Service in the first place?The name screams scam from a mile away!) was at its most,the public fury was directed more at the ridiculous fine he was asked to pay and not at the obscene amount he was accused of misappropriating!
It just tells you where we have come as a country.
So in conclusion,I will say this, worry not yourself my dear John Yakubu Yusuf, because in a year from today, most Nigerians wont remember if you were the John Yakubu who was accused of stealing(allegedly) or the Yakubu John who once worked for their father as a security guard.
P.S: For Goldie Harvey.

Super Eagles!

'I said it!'
'Did I not tell you?'
'I always knew they would make me proud!'
My middle aged neighbour,probably on his fifth bottle of Lager,kept yelling at his teenage son,trying his best to be heard over the din being made as the music kept blasting from the emergency street carnival to celebrate Nigeria's victory tonight.
In all honesty,he did not say it and I'm sure as hell that he did not tell anybody!
At least 159 of the 160 million Nigerians celebrating tonight did not give the Super Eagles a chance in hell to lift the trophy.

And the other million could not really be bothered.
It would take a man with absolutely no morals and  no fear of God whatsoever(we're not short of those in Nigeria anyways) to stand up and tell the world he thought Nigeria could win the trophy 3 weeks ago.
But as the tournament progressed,I witnessed that inimitable fair-weather spirit of the average Nigerian arise.
Long suffering fans who had snickered and rubbished the team as the Super Chickens were suddenly proud to be Nigerians.
Even people who cannot pick out Mikel Obi from a crowd,

Pls,why is Mikel wearing a hat?!

suddenly developed a zeal for the sport.
I am not here to to always play the bad guy!
Far from it.
Football once again showed how united we can be in this country.
During the tournament,there was little talk of tribe,religion or politics.
It was all about Nigeria.
Blackberry display pictures,personal messages,tweets and Face book updates revealed a deep sense of patriotism when things are going well.
And when 24 year old Sunday Mba scored the winning goal in the 40th minute or so,Oh My God,It was one Nigeria for real.

Those are not 24 year old bumps on your chin Mr Mba!But we shall let you be for tonight.

We had new heroes from Emmanuel Emenike to Ahmed Musa to Fegor Ogude to the beautifully ambiguously named Victor Moses.
It was one Nigeria!
So,thank you Super Chickens.....or sorry........Super Eagles for making me forget even for one night about the heat from no electricity,about the continued insecurity in the north,about the John Yakubu Yusuf's of this world and making my night truly SUPER!

GEJ on Amanpour!

2 nights ago,at about 9pm,dazed and in a drugged like trance from another hectic Lagos day;and no,Pierre from Vienna,what you guys call hectic in Austria is like getting a massage with a happy ending at your neighbourhood bordello compared to what we go through here;I stumbled into my apartment and met my T.V on,of course I must have forgotten to switch off the night before when the electric company cut me off;and no once again,Pierre from Vienna,I pay my bills,its just something they enjoying doing.
While trying to make myself a stiff drink to wake up my dulled senses,I could make out the faint outlines of a rather dull-looking gentleman in a bowler hat,blinking rapidly like a kid caught with his hand in a pot of stew;Hey Pierre,would you just let me finish!!!!!!!
Anyways,where was I?
Ahhh!
I moved closer to the television and lo and behold,it was Uncle Joey being interviewed on CNN by no less a person than Christiane Amanpour.

Been interviewed by Amanpour is like getting lucky with Kim K while Scarlet Johansson looks on.
I mean,its like a 'Yo men,we made it' moment.
I settled down on my craggy sofa,drink in hand and offered a silent prayer to the gods of  Otuoke,Bayelsa,for luck to be with the good uncle Jonah.
And you almost always need it.
On Amanpour,the questions are quick fire and intense.Your answers are expected to be same.Sharp,concise and at times witty.
Its not only a truth seeking exercise but also an intelligence assessing session.
And oh boy,slap me on the head and call me a Jonathan but did Uncle Ebele perform!
This thing called native intelligence,ehn!
At times his answers were precise and dead on like the decision to send troops to Mali and the country's fight against terrorism.
At other times....WOW.........I wondered if we were listening to the same questions.
It seemed he took a second to listen to the question,took another second to frame it in his mind just the way he would have wanted it asked ,then answered his own question.
I can just imagine Uncle Joe smiling to himself and thinking 'Is this Amanpour a learner?'
All in all,it was a fair outing,except when he said something about how electricity supply had improved considerably and how Nigerians can attest to it.

Then again,I'm told the weather is a -8 in Davos,Switzerland at this time.

Must'a been the cold!

I'll give him a 5 out of 10.
And they say I'm a biased critic!

Death and the stethoscope!

Nobody hears when the little man dies.
Even if it appears in the papers,it's usually stuck somewhere in between a disgusting picture of Cossy Orjiakor's morbid boobs and an irrelevant story about a Nigerian minister's(political or religious) son's private jet.
The little man's death is always treated as an afterthought.
That's why people can non-chalantly bat an eyelid and mutter 'it is well' when 30 people are massacred by a suicide bomber in Jos and shout hysterically from the roof top when a bigman and his dog fall from a helicopter.
A couple days ago,on the streets of Lagos,a young medical doctor's life was cut short by a mad man's bullet.
It's not a story that will catch the attention of those in power.
There will be no pretentious visits from the big men in Abuja.
No crocodile tears shed publicly by our number one man for a truly prominent life lost.
There will be no mention in the papers,at least not on the important pages.
Another little man has died and there will be appropriately little noise made.
The details are sketchy,as they always are in Nigeria,Irawo Adamolekun was shot in traffic around the Anthony Village axis of Lagos.

Unworthy end!

Broad daylight!
The daylight was so broad(if there's anything like that),you could probably see the glitter from Stella Oduah's(minister of aviation,in case ya dont know) jewelry filled neck from a mile a way.

I had this ruby piece before I got into office.I swear!

Shot point blank in the head from a robbery gone wrong.
The killer was then said to have calmy,like he had done nothing more important than take a piss on the sidewalk,crossed to the other side of the road and sped off on a waiting motorcycle.
And there I was thinking motorbikes were banned in Lagos!
Apart from been in the full glare of the Sun,it also happened in full view of hundreds of motorist,including Nigerian rapper Ruggedman;can you just change that name already bro!
One would think with a name like that,you'd come out guns blazing to apprehend the fellow,
Rugged my belly button!!!!!!!!!!
Lagos is a tough city.
Yeah we know!
But to be gunned down in public,on a busy high way?
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
Same fate befell young Dr James Obinyan on the streets of Festac in November 2011.
Shot dead in his car after a robbery attempt.

Life taken from someone so full of it.

Lives are been lost daily in this country.
Wasted.
Terrorists and robbers roam the streets like horny little whores.
Let our case not be like the young chick who wondered why the same master that had been feeding him all this while would now be leading him to slaughter,by asking where the police were when all this killings took place.
Probably peeping from a safe distance like you and I,that's where!!!!!!!!
I read a book once about how all events in the world are inevitably linked.
And it occured to me that the motorbike that served as a get-away for the killers of the young Doc some days back might have gone through a police checkpoint and the rider must have paid some cop somewhere 50naira to continue operating.
50naira(30 cents),the cost of a life in Nigeria!
Anyways,I spoke to the Sun yesterday and he told me he was seeing new things in Nigeria.
And you know what they say about that!