God bless Mr Coker wherever he may be in this caustic land of obese leaders and famished citizens.
He was my English teacher way back in Secondary School;that's High school for my numerous fans in Obama's country and the many wannabes on the Island.
I love you all by the way.
Versace,Versace everything for you in 2014!
Anyways,in between talking through his nose and squinting through his horn-rimmed glasses,I,the poor boy from the Primary school with two teachers, a security guard who also doubled as the P.E instructor and a headmistress who owned the barbing salon upstairs, hardly ever understood much of what Mr Coker said in class but damn could the brother teach "Letter writing"!
Coker could write a letter to the Devil and still know if it were appropriate to start things of with a gently worded Dear Sir or just keep it on the informal down low.
Of my numerous distinctions in the School leaving exams(---------------------long space to fill in your unwanted and ultimately disregarded disbelief------------------------------------------------------) my A1 in English Language was my most cherished.
So that's why on reading the Obasenjos' letters I could come to only two logical conclusions;
a)Coker was right.A day would indeed come when I had to actually use the idiom "Pot calling someone else black!"
and
b)Neither of them had Mr Coker as an English teacher.
Which is a pity if I must say.
I have to be honest,as I always am,though God and a few people I know might disagree.
I haven't actually finished either letter.
Don't get me wrong,I started but in between trying to give my very best at work in another failing sector of public service and actually being eternally grateful that I even have a job in this barely floating ship of a country,there's really little energy left for someone else's family squabble.
And such poorly written letters by the way,that much Mr Coker taught me!
If people like Chief Alex Ekwueme or Mallam Nuhu Ribadu decide to pick up their pens and scribble their thoughts for us all to share,aside from the obviously more enjoyable tenses we can surely expect and the surely more pleasing pictures of those good folks published alongside the letters,we would be digesting the letters looking up,with the words pouring down from the altar of dignity and not creeping up like a stream of deceit from a pig farm somewhere in Ogun State!
Dear OBJ, 'in case you don't,in case you don't,in case you don't know, know', as my good friend Harrisong would say, Corruption was just as widespread in 1999.
With Legislators buying furniture for obscene amounts like wood was going out of fashion and Nigerian carpenters were queueing up to join the war in Afghanistan.
Unemployment was just as rampant with the only difference being that at least PhD holders now have a shot at 'tanker' driving jobs and their daughters and wives have a wider array of beaches,hotels and bars to prostitute these days while they are away.
That reminds me by the way.
'Elegushi loading' is baccccccccccccccck y'all.
After 6 months of idling and rotting away like Stella's BMW's,Nigerian students have finally being released from the clutches of their parents and thrown back unto the streets they've made their home in recent years!
Even ASUU knows they'd be no proper Xmas celebration without our dear Nigerian university girls.
Our dear letter writing ex-president should also remember that there was a protracted ASUU strike action at the beginning of his tenure.
I did not celebrate 2 birthdays,3 Xmas' and watch an Orange tree grow fully in my backyard all in one academic year because I had nothing better doing!
It is a fact that cannot be disguised that the amount of impunity,corruption and insecurity in the land in the last 24-36 months has reached obscene proportions,almost like the gold piece on the neck of Ayo'jacob the jeweler' Oristejafor but every man,woman and indeed child that has held office in this great country cannot be exempt from blame.
Picking up a pen and writing an epistle like a bored Apostle Paul on one of his numerous journeys of self-redemption along a bumpy road from Damascus to God-knows-where cannot absolve you of blame!
Infact,watching all the utensils in the PDP kitchen calling each other all shades of black has really cracked me up this festive period.
You guys have been a hoot and a half,I must say!
As for Aunty Iyabo,I did not read yours to be honest!
Daddy issues are meant for a shrink's sofa!
And this is Nigeria,doctors are so poorly paid or completely unpaid that you could get a session for two bars of soap,a bag of salt and an ice-cold Chivita!
Just don't go writing a letter about it afterwards.
P.S:The flipside of life is on the Twitter machine @doctorrotcod
He was my English teacher way back in Secondary School;that's High school for my numerous fans in Obama's country and the many wannabes on the Island.
I love you all by the way.
Versace,Versace everything for you in 2014!
Anyways,in between talking through his nose and squinting through his horn-rimmed glasses,I,the poor boy from the Primary school with two teachers, a security guard who also doubled as the P.E instructor and a headmistress who owned the barbing salon upstairs, hardly ever understood much of what Mr Coker said in class but damn could the brother teach "Letter writing"!
Coker could write a letter to the Devil and still know if it were appropriate to start things of with a gently worded Dear Sir or just keep it on the informal down low.
Of my numerous distinctions in the School leaving exams(---------------------long space to fill in your unwanted and ultimately disregarded disbelief------------------------------------------------------) my A1 in English Language was my most cherished.
So that's why on reading the Obasenjos' letters I could come to only two logical conclusions;
a)Coker was right.A day would indeed come when I had to actually use the idiom "Pot calling someone else black!"
and
b)Neither of them had Mr Coker as an English teacher.
Which is a pity if I must say.
I have to be honest,as I always am,though God and a few people I know might disagree.
I haven't actually finished either letter.
Don't get me wrong,I started but in between trying to give my very best at work in another failing sector of public service and actually being eternally grateful that I even have a job in this barely floating ship of a country,there's really little energy left for someone else's family squabble.
And such poorly written letters by the way,that much Mr Coker taught me!
If people like Chief Alex Ekwueme or Mallam Nuhu Ribadu decide to pick up their pens and scribble their thoughts for us all to share,aside from the obviously more enjoyable tenses we can surely expect and the surely more pleasing pictures of those good folks published alongside the letters,we would be digesting the letters looking up,with the words pouring down from the altar of dignity and not creeping up like a stream of deceit from a pig farm somewhere in Ogun State!
Dear OBJ, 'in case you don't,in case you don't,in case you don't know, know', as my good friend Harrisong would say, Corruption was just as widespread in 1999.
 |
| Better pikin.........ahn....you be like your papa pikin!(Harrisong,naughty you!) |
With Legislators buying furniture for obscene amounts like wood was going out of fashion and Nigerian carpenters were queueing up to join the war in Afghanistan.
Unemployment was just as rampant with the only difference being that at least PhD holders now have a shot at 'tanker' driving jobs and their daughters and wives have a wider array of beaches,hotels and bars to prostitute these days while they are away.
That reminds me by the way.
'Elegushi loading' is baccccccccccccccck y'all.
After 6 months of idling and rotting away like Stella's BMW's,Nigerian students have finally being released from the clutches of their parents and thrown back unto the streets they've made their home in recent years!
Even ASUU knows they'd be no proper Xmas celebration without our dear Nigerian university girls.
Our dear letter writing ex-president should also remember that there was a protracted ASUU strike action at the beginning of his tenure.
I did not celebrate 2 birthdays,3 Xmas' and watch an Orange tree grow fully in my backyard all in one academic year because I had nothing better doing!
It is a fact that cannot be disguised that the amount of impunity,corruption and insecurity in the land in the last 24-36 months has reached obscene proportions,almost like the gold piece on the neck of Ayo'jacob the jeweler' Oristejafor but every man,woman and indeed child that has held office in this great country cannot be exempt from blame.
 |
| This could have saved you a thousand words OBJ.And spared us from having to read it! |
Infact,watching all the utensils in the PDP kitchen calling each other all shades of black has really cracked me up this festive period.
You guys have been a hoot and a half,I must say!
As for Aunty Iyabo,I did not read yours to be honest!
Daddy issues are meant for a shrink's sofa!
And this is Nigeria,doctors are so poorly paid or completely unpaid that you could get a session for two bars of soap,a bag of salt and an ice-cold Chivita!
Just don't go writing a letter about it afterwards.
P.S:The flipside of life is on the Twitter machine @doctorrotcod
